10 Reasons Why I Hate Spongebob Squarepants

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When I say “hate”, I actually use that word very purposefully and in all its fullness.

I hate Spongebob Squarepants.

If I could make Spongebob disappear from the earth I would. He, and all his under the sea friends, drive me insane. There are research studies, like legit university professors, that have investigated the destructive non-sense that is the yellow square sponge.

Here are my reasons:
(This list is not all-inclusive and should you feel so inclined, please add some of your own thoughts in the comments section.)

  1. He is LOUD. Like always. There is no “inside voice” or conversational tone ever.
  2. He talks through his nose. This is like “nails to a chalkboard” for me. This goes for both SB’s talking voice as well as his laugh. (Reasons 1 & 2 are actually enough for me but if you need other reasons I will continue on with my list.)
  3. He, like another severely disliked character Caillou, can not solve any problem on his own without whining or acting like the world is ending.
  4. The show adds nothing productive or educational to life. No really. I mean some people, I suppose, find it “funny” but when have you ever heard anyone say “oh my kid learned that from Spongebob (or any other SB character.)”
  5. The humor, if you should define it as such, is usually about the making fun of the idiocy of one of the characters.
  6. How old is Spongebob anyway??? He is getting a boating license, yet lives on his own. He goes to school but also works full time at the Crabby Patty. I realize that most cartoon characters do not age, well except Dora apparently, but Spongebob’s frozen age is not even close to defined.
  7. The show overall promotes the idea that being rude and disrespectful is okay.
  8. Likewise, being unintelligent and simply just being obnoxious is also okay.
  9. Name another kid’s show where the main characters are hypothesized to be based on the seven deadly sins. Those are definitely not the qualities I really want my child glorifying.
  10. Patrick Starfish is vastly annoying. That’s reason enough.

Are you #teamsquarepants or #teamanything else? (Except Caillou… no one should ever be #teamcaillou.)

 

31 COMMENTS

  1. All the people who hate Spongebob because HeS nOt EdUcAtiOnAl Or He DoEsnT tEaCh yOu aNytHinG annoy me about as much as Spongebob annoys Squidward
    Ive learned something from it ( SO IF YOU DIDNT IT MEANS YOU DONT PAY ATTENTION):

    1.Friendship: No matter how much Squidward hates Spongebob he still tries to be his friend.
    Yes Patrick is a bit of a mean person but hes Spongebobs BEST FRIEND.

    2. New words: Cephlopod which is what Squidward is (Hes an octopus by the way)
    Porous: It was one of my vocabulary words and if I hadnt known the Spongebob theme song
    I would’ve thought porous meant someone with acne (because dirt stuck in your pores)

    3. “When you have IMAGINATION you can be anything”
    -Spongebob

    4. The 7 deady sins is just a THEORY Spongebob doesnt lust hes just caring and loving to anyone he comes in contact with which leads us into:

    5. To be kind to others even when they arent kind to you

    6. Spongebob is Y7 so he wont be great for your 4 year old child which seems to be the problem with him and a bunch of moms

    7. Spongebob failing his drivers test 83 times taught many young watchers to never give up
    I bet you might have given up after 5 times but not this yellow sponge and everytime he went into the boating school he went in with a WINNERS MENTALITY Not ” Oh I dont know if i can” or “Oh i hope I can get it” it was ” IM GOING IN THERE AND IM GOING TO GET MY LICENCE”
    he may have come out upset but know what he said ” Ill get em next time”
    Same with plankton and his formula

    8. Heres a letter to the Great MR.HILLENBURG who died making the show that you hate because all the lessons flew RIGHT OVER YOUR HEAD
    Dear Stephen Hillenburg,
    Thank you for all the laughs and occasionally tears
    Thank you for all the inside jokes that will define a generation
    And for teaching me that the most mudane thing can be an adventure
    Thank you for teaching me to sing and be silly
    And that even though growing old is mandatory
    Growing up is optional
    Thank you for teaching me that home is not defined by geology or genes but its where you feel you belong
    And Thank you for teaching me to never give up no matter how many times I fail
    I dont know what the future may bring but i know that because of you
    Im ready
    Sincrely a Spongebob Squarefan

    I sure hope you read my parapgraph on why youre being unreasonable when it comes to a show
    Thats not supposed to teach you math and writing, NOT everything will do that
    Thats just like if you sent your child to a friends house to play video games and told them to take notes because you wanted to see what they learned about algebra from playing Super Smash Bros

    • You are amazing. Very excellent analysis. So many people seem to forget life isn’t always about success and progressing financially or intellectually but that it’s also about stopping to smell the roses and learning how to lift up others to do the same. Whatever people’s critiques are for this show, I know that I have been impacted positively as person because of it. My life would be far worse than it is now without having grown up enjoying this wonderful show. The friends I’ve made because of it, the lessons of learned through it, and the good memories of watching it that keep me going through life is all the justification I need for this show. It’s beauty is lost on some, but not me. I love you Spongebob. I love you Mr. Hillenburg.

      This show is a gift, and I thank God for it.

  2. This is so crazy to me. It’s a silly cartoon. We don’t need to pack our children with educational insights 24/7. Sometimes it’s ok to be goofy, silly, unproductive and “annoying”. It’s called having fun. Also learning how to emotionally handle being made fun of is an absolutely essential skill for children. We can’t control the behavior of everyone in the world but we can teach our children to be strong enough so that they don’t crumble under the weight of mean words. Excessive bullying is never ok, but never exposing children to any emotional hardships (including letting them see others get through them fine) is equally damaging to them. Maybe seeing cartoon characters get picked on won’t teach them to pick on others, but will instead teach them that even if someone picks on you you’ll be just fine! Lighten up a little people, sheltering your children too much is just an unhealthy as giving them no boundaries at all.

  3. SpongeBob SquarePants, in my opinion, is an awesome show. He was born on July 16th, 1986. My cousin is 44 and they are still learning how to drive. So, why do you hate him for going to a boating school? Also, what’s wrong with living alone? The show is not meant to be educational AND it is meant for children 11 and above. And the restaurant is called the Krusty Krab, not the Crabby Patty, that’s their meal.

  4. I loved SpongeBob when I was younger, my fiance however, doesn’t like him at all. I still let my kids watch it though.. and for anyone who says it isn’t educational, or doesn’t have any life lessons. That is a lie. To this day I have a great work ethic, even better than my fiance, and it’s because of that little guy, and how important his job was to him. There are also episodes where he is going along with peer pressure, and finally tells them off and that all his peers have done was made things worse. So there are alot of things that are good about SpongeBob, and I understand the voice thing, that’s why I don’t make my fiance hear it in the background if he doesn’t want to. Of course if his voice gets on your nerves you shouldn’t have to watch it, but just because you don’t like his voice doesn’t mean you should make up lies about how, “The show adds nothing productive or educational to life.” As stated above.

  5. I love Spongebob, but I wondered if you might have any legitimate reasons to hate. Then you insulted Cailloo. This “reasoning” sounds like narrow minded complaining to me.

  6. I have a friend’s mom who doesn’t let her kids watch Spongebob, and hey, that’s their choice. I watch spongebob every day after school and it’s my outlet, because hey, it’s my choice. Sometimes after all the stress in a day, it’s nice for a teenager to have one outlet where they can chill and be an idiot for a few minutes. Everybody’s got opinions, and nobody’s right or wrong. I don’t really see why we’re getting so worked up about a children’s TV show, but I gotta say that in my opinion, it’s the one show that can make me cry laughing so hard and I love that. Thanks, everybody for giving me a whole new look on my favorite show- I had no idea there was so much controversy, I thought it was just a fun TV show for kids to unwind and watch. My friends have so many inside spongebob jokes and it makes me laugh even when I’m really sad. So hey, haters gon hate and Spongebob lovers aren’t gonna stop loving Spongebob. Hate is a pretty strong word for a fictional character, but I love that you voiced your opinion. I hope no one was offended by this!

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