At the end of the day whether solo, joint, or partnered parenting we all find ourselves having similar challenges, similar experiences, and similar laughable moments. Parenting is just kinda like that. Single parenting though, does lend itself to a subset of its own ponderments. No matter what type of relationship – good, bad, consistent, or isolated – you have with the other half of your child’s DNA, there are feelings that only other single parents can truly understand. I am privileged to have a wonderful relationship with my daughter’s father (and actually his wife as well) but 90% of the time I still think single parenting “is for the birds.” So in effort to provide a little smile on those days when you feel like you just have no more to give and want to quit this whole parenting thing, I have developed a list, though not exhaustive, of things that you will never hear a single mom say. Please feel free to add to my list, should you feel so inclined.
“I love going the grocery store with my children. It’s my favorite.” When my daughter was an infant this really was not so much of a challenge, she sat in her carseat and generally just cooed as I went aisle to aisle. However, as a walking, talking human being, not so much. Though I appreciate the help in knowing what we need in our pantry as well as commentary on what will not be eaten, I think I would much rather enjoy the soft rock playing in the background. Unfortunately, unless I would like an investigation from child protective services the child must tag along.*
*Recent update: My local grocery store has just unrolled online grocery shopping and this may in fact change my life. Stay tuned to discover the transformation.
“I value the autonomy of getting to kill all the spiders in my house.” I personally am much more deathly afraid of snakes than spiders but really I would rather not be the only person that is going to kill them (or catch them and release them to the outdoors, for all you nature lovers). But if I don’t, that 8 legged beast is simply just going to continue to reproduce and take over my entire house. It’s my constant saying, “Who else is going to do it if I don’t?!?”
“I enjoy wearing 2 pairs of socks to bed because my feet are cold.” There is just something wonderful about being able to put your cold feet onto warm flesh as a heating device.
“Goodness, I have so much free time.” Now I fully recognize that most parents have very little free time… so before the uprising of all you partnered parenting folks gets out of hand, know that I recognize this. But I would just like to say I would be overjoyed if someone was there to take my trash out every week or take some other chore off my plate. Between working full time, cleaning the entire house, grocery shopping, taking care of all the finances, maintaining all the house systems, mowing the grass/ shoveling the driveway, pulling weeds, trimming bushes, making all the meals, bathing/dressing/keeping alive the child, killing the aforementioned spiders, and maintaining my own hygiene, having someone just take out the trash would be nice.
“I really appreciate that the dog is the best source of adult logical processing.” Now in full disclosure I do not have a dog or any house pet to speak to, but having a living thing like that might be nice. Instead I do my best processing with inanimate objects. And by best processing, I mean necessary processing and by necessary processing, I mean if I don’t I will explode because I have not used up all my words for the day I am supposed to as a woman.
“I really hope my ex gets married before me.” No comment. We all know what I am talking about here. Mine did, and I feel your story friends.