A Primer in Adult Friendship


I use the word “friend” a lot more loosely than many, I think. If we’ve run in the same circles in the past or maybe we grabbed drinks once, I consider you my friend. Maybe we’ve lost touch because life got in the way, but we shared a lot of late-night milkshake trips or spent a lot of time chit-chatting over text, you’re still my friend. Adult friendship is weird and hard. I don’t plan to make it harder than it already is by over-describing it or overcomplicating it. You’re just my friend, okay?

I see so many adults struggling to make or maintain friends.


I’m not here to say it’s easy because when the kids start coming, time gets short and schedules become complicated. Or, maybe, a pandemic comes and steamrolls the friendships you were nurturing. It’s not easy. However, it’s okay to have all kinds of friendships. Here is a short breakdown of the types of friends I currently have.

1. My single best friend. She really is my best friend. She deserves that title. We’ve been friends for 10 years now and she’s the one who loves my kids and is down for any adventure. I’m the most “me” with her.

2. The friend who laments parenthood. This mom makes me feel seen. There is nothing “off-limits” when it comes to conversations around parenting. She sees me. She knows me. I feel less alone with her.

3. My adventure friend. She is more than that, but if I want to travel, I know who to make plans with. It’s not easy to find someone that meshes well with your ideal trip across the country but when you find them, it’s a gold mine.

4. The playdate mom friends. This group of moms is a blast to plan playdates with. Your kids play well and you can be your true hot mess mom without judgment. These women are also dear to me in their own individual ways, but most of the time we hang out with our kids in tow.

5. My brain trust friends. These are friends I love to talk with about food, movies, books and culture. I like to talk about business and dreams and ideas. They light up a part of my spirit that gets neglected quite a bit these days.

This list is not exhaustive or black-and-white. Many of the categories crossover, but I do feel like it’s easy to write off friendships or distance ourselves when they don’t serve us as we want. All friendships evolve and for me, it’s typically not personal. Just because I have had cycled through many friendships and circled back to several of them, does not mean I am a “bad” friend, or that someone else is. Friends come in seasons, and that perspective has served me well.


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