As a new(ish) writer of Cincinnati Mom Collective, I have been taking it easy on what I write about. Why?
I’m afraid to say the truth.
I’ve been taking it easy. Softball topics about my life as a mother of three kids 3 and under.
My last story talked about how tough it was to be a mother of twins. Writing the story was difficult. I tiptoed my way through how difficult it was to manage twins, but “I was still blessed.” How I struggled with infertility and felt guilty for not appreciating my ability to have children. Some women don’t get the chance, so I made sure to be inclusive and sensitive to the feelings of anyone reading my work. However, I wasn’t truthful. Not completely.
After my story posted on Cincinnati Mom Collective, I found an article on Twiniversity (a website, etc. for mothers of multiples) that said the exact thing I should have said – I Hate Having Twins and I Feel Horrible About It. Why couldn’t I admit that?
Because the internet can be a harsh place for truth.
With our world being so polarized, I think it is difficult for mothers to admit their truth, for fear of mom-shaming. I rewrote my twin mom story over and over because I wanted to tread lightly on others’ feelings and thoughts about me.
But here’s the truth, plain and simple: I hate having twins and I feel terrible for saying that out loud. I wanted one baby at a time. I don’t know why I was chosen as a twin mom. I am not good at it. You know what I’m also not good at? Having three kids 3 and under. Seventeen months after the twins were born, we had a bonus baby. I spent most of my pregnancy depressed that we were in a situation where we would be outnumbered by babies.
Three cribs, all in diapers, all babies.
Some days, I have no idea how we will live to see the next day because it is tremendously difficult. I used to look for Facebook groups for mothers who regretted having children. Isn’t that horrible? No. It’s my truth.
This paragraph is where I would give readers an uplifting message about being “blessed” and “grateful” for my kids. While feeling grateful for the chance to experience motherhood, I am allowed to feel how I feel. Even if it doesn’t make everyone happy. Even if people don’t understand.
Thank you for letting me share my truth – and I will be sure to continue. Because if I can do it, you can, too.
