Every day, more than 423,000 kids wake up in the foster care system, with nearly one-quarter of those children available for adoption. The average age of children in the system is 8 years old, and these children typically wait three or more years to be adopted, moving three-plus times in foster care, often away from their siblings. The statistics are heart-breaking.
My cousin, Kelly, always wanted to be a mother. And she tried, for several painful years, to conceive. She put thousands of miles on her car and spent several thousand dollars in her savings on treatments–treatments that even included chemotherapy. Treatments that she later found would never be able to correct the defect in her uterus that prevented her from conceiving.
I’ll never forget the heartbreaking conversation when she shared the news. She’d given up hope that she’d ever become a mother. Her marriage dissolved and she began moving forward in a new life with plans to be a traveling nurse. She was okay being alone. It wasn’t the life she had wanted or planned, but she was okay with it.
And then the graduation party happened. Kelly learned of a young girl who was pregnant, but had concealed her pregnancy until it was impossible not see. A young girl who hadn’t gone to a single prenatal appointment and had no desire to be a mother. A young girl whose child would likely end up in the foster care system that July unless someone adopted him.
After so many failed attempts, Kelly tried hard not to get her hopes up. She consulted with an attorney and met with the birth mother (18). She helped the young girl set up Medicaid so she wouldn’t face extensive medical bills following delivery and attended her first and only doctor’s appointment. The doctor estimated her due date to be July 23rd—Kelly’s birthday. And with that, Kelly knew it was meant to be.
From the minute Derek entered the world, Kelly was there. The birth mother was alone, with no other friends or family to support her during the delivery. She had a c-section, and asked Kelly come with her to the operating room. Kelly and Derek could have left after the second day, but Kelly had overheard the mom saying she was scared to be alone. Kelly stayed.
Kelly’s employer only allowed two weeks of maternity leave for adoptions, so her co-workers donated six weeks of their own vacation time so she could bond with her new baby. They even snuck into her house to transform a spare room into a nursery.
During those first nine months, Kelly was only the legal babysitter, according to the state. At any time, the birth mother could have asked for him back. But she never did. And that following May, Kelly received a new birth certificate listing her as Derek’s mom. While she was a mother long before that, the official declaration gave us all an opportunity to celebrate what she had worked so long to achieve.
I have no idea how Kelly does what she does. As a full-time nurse, she’s always taking care of someone and you’d never hear her complain. She nurtured Derek through the infant stages, waking after minutes of sleep to work a 24-hour shift. She laughed all the way through the terrible twos and his “threenager” years, taking each challenge with a smile. She has raised a very respectful, sweet and loving little boy. A little boy who will be going to kindergarten next year.
While each of us have a special journey into motherhood, that journey can leave some women with blisters and scars on their feet. And when you hear the stories of women like Kelly and understand the challenges they overcame to become a mother, you realize that dirty playroom really doesn’t matter.
