Don’t You Want to Try for a Girl? {What This Boy Mom Wants You to Know}

In my late 20s, I cringed at the question, “Where do you see yourself in five years?” I didn’t have a solid answer when it came to my career or where I would live. But I was confident I wanted to be married and have kids.

When I entered a room with little ones, I was drawn to them, eager to be the first to snuggle the baby or get down on the floor with toys and a toddler. I couldn’t wait to have kids of my own.

One of each gender, and maybe one more… as if I could dictate my own destiny.

I got a start on parenthood a little later than I planned at 33. At the 20-week appointment, my husband and I squeezed each other’s hands as we waited for the ultrasound tech to announce the health and gender of the baby. It was healthy, as far as they could tell, and it was a boy.

We would have been overjoyed either way, but I was extra excited for my husband to have the boy he always wanted to raise.

Two years later, we were in that same room with hands tightly clasped, waiting for the news once again. Given our “older” ages and the exhaustion we felt with our sweet, active, poor-sleeping firstborn, we were pretty sure we would stop after two kids.

So, naturally and ridiculously, we envisioned this baby would be our girl. In the blurry images of the ultrasound, all signs – well, just one sign – pointed to a boy.

We were once again overjoyed. I wanted this boy with my whole heart. We tried for a second baby because we wanted two kids, not just a specific gender.

Still, there was an undeniable, innate, decades-long yearning for a girl – a wish that would be unfulfilled.

I felt joy for this precious life growing inside me, alongside a sadness for the girl I would never have.

There was mourning for the moments and milestones I wouldn’t get to experience, like twirly dresses, hair braiding, girl trips, and wedding planning. Mourning for the missing mother-daughter relationship I cherish with my own mom. Mourning that I wouldn’t get to see a little girl transform my husband’s heart as daughters often do.

When my second precious son was born, our family was complete. I finally realized we get to raise two boys. Brothers. Best friends (I hope). Future husbands and gentlemen who respect and value women. Responsible men, not grown boys. And both of our hearts were transformed in ways we didn’t expect.

I’ve received several late-night texts over the years from moms awaiting the arrival of their second boy and last baby. They are looking for solace as they mourn the girl they will never have. Do I have the energy for two boys? Do I have any idea how to raise them? Will I miss having a girl?

I tell them that yes, they will have twinges of yearning for what could have been as a girl mom. But there is immeasurable joy in watching brothers grow up together. I love watching their relationship change and deepen. I can’t say the emotional kid drama is any less than it would be with a girl, as some might assume. But there are many snuggles and sweet moments to be found. And those boys love their mama.

Now the question I get is, “Don’t you want to try for a girl?” For me, my hands and heart are already full. I may always have a small part of me that will mourn the missed opportunity to raise a girl. But I’m learning that the blessings we are given are often better than our dreams.