I like my job. I like my coworkers. I like financially contributing to my family in a significant way. I like that my son has a set of steady friends he sees every day and a group of loving teachers. I like that my weeknights and weekends are full of Ian- maybe more full because my exposure during the weekdays is so lacking.
It’s just that sometimes, when I’m too exhausted to open my eyes in the morning and am stumbling to the bathroom to get ready for work, or when I’m sitting in a staff meeting counting down the hours until the work day ends, I do wonder what I’d be doing if I were at home. And- don’t tell anyone- but I do get homesick at the thought. My fellow working moms… please tell me I’m not alone.
Sometimes I wake up when the alarm goes off at 5:15AM and imagine what life would be like if I could just ignore it- roll over and go back to bed and instead be woken up by a human alarm clock, my son.
I wonder what it would feel like to eat breakfast with my kid every day. To be the one who gets him dressed and ready for the day every morning. To be the one doing elaborate (or not so elaborate) craft projects with him and teaching him silly songs and his ABCs. To get suited up in play clothes (instead of work clothes) and spend an hour running in the yard or playing at the park. To be able to go to the zoo during the weekday instead of facing the weekend crowds. To spend an afternoon at the library together. To get some housework (or NOTHING) done during his afternoon nap. To not be frazzled and rushing to get dinner started so it can be on the table by 6pm.
I wonder. I imagine. I daydream.