Dad Digest: Time

When I am not writing blog entries that contain nerd references for the moms in Cincinnati, I have a full time job teaching English at one of Cincinnati’s inner-city charter schools. It is a very demanding job that asks a lot of my time and my energy. While some people get the impression that teachers are drowning in free time, much the same as I would assume that bakers are always inundated with scones, the truth is that during the school year, my work comes home with me every night and every weekend.

While I have an obligation to my students to provide them the best education possible, as a father, I also have an obligation to spend time with Milo and give him the attention that he needs, deserves and craves. This wasn’t much of an issue when the new school year had only just started. Yet today, when I brought home a half dozen stacks of homework pages and assignments to score, it came to mind.

When I get home, I try and give Milo enough time to tell me about his day and the exciting things that happened during it. We budgeted some time to have a massive sword fight in the living room with the set of gently used foam swords that Jesika procured from one of those local Mommy-Swap websites. Then it was time to get to work. With ninety students, and two assignments each to score, I had my work cut out for me. While I was working on the papers, Milo had come up looking for attention.

“Can I sit on your lap?” he asked. He was interested in what I was doing, and obviously wanted to be a part of it.
Part of me wanted to say, “not right now bub, Daddy’s working,” which is something I have said in the past. I do my best not to abuse or take advantage of this excuse, and I only use it when it is really necessary. I might use it when a deadline is approaching, or I’m struggling to wrap my head around something complicated. Otherwise, I would like to think that I at least try to step away from work for a little bit to horse around with the little stinker.

Today, I said, “alright,” and he climbed right up. Immediately, he saw that I had some stickers out, and that I had been putting them on some of the papers as I graded them. Milo loves doing stickers, as evidenced by the pieces of paper hanging all over the house covered in the things. It occurred to me to ask him if he would like to help.

“Okay daddy,” he said.

So together, we worked on the school papers. I would grade the paper, and if my student earned at least a B, I’d tell Milo to put on a sticker. After the first few times he stopped me. “You didn’t say please,” he said. We continued, making sure each time I needed a sticker that I said please and thank you, and appreciating that my wife and I have taken the time to teach our three-year-old the basics of manners to the extent that they actually mean something to him.

While it was adorable and fun, it was also a little frustrating. Having Milo on hand would make what I was doing take a little bit longer. He wanted to peel the stickers off the page himself, he wanted to place them himself, and he wasn’t going to let me or anybody else rush him in the process. He would stick the stickers haphazardly about the page, which also raised a few hairs on the back of my neck, but I let it slide. The kid was having a good time, and my students would understand when I explained to them that the American Flag sticker on their page was upside down, not because I am trying to make a political statement, but because my child considered it part of his home-art project.

When all was said and done, and it was time to clear off the table I surprised myself when I asked him, “Hey, do you want to help me put stickers on my papers again tomorrow?” I was happy when he said yes. We will be using the sticker sheets with all the sports balls on them. Milo is adamant on that fact.

I don’t think I will ever be the sort of person who will let my children grade my papers for me, but I do like that Milo is getting a chance to see and experience a little bit of what I do for a living. I am also glad that I have found a way, at least for now, to keep my need to work at home from being a complete obstacle from being a decent parent.

A few months ago, I read a parenting article online about a mother who wrote about not assigning her kids chores. Her reasoning was that her kids would be incapable of doing things correctly, and so their attempts at doing chores ultimately meant more work for her in the long run. When you think about this in practical terms, it makes a lot of sense. When you have something that needs to be done, it is so much easier to just done it yourself without distractions or interruptions.

This is something that Jesika keeps trying to fix about me.

She’ll chime in with some advice about how I should let him help, even if that means letting him splash around in the water when I’m washing dishes, or stirring dried noodles in a bowl when I’m trying to cook dinner. It can be frustrating, it can be annoying, and it always makes everything more complicated and take longer. Even so, I think I am learning the lesson. I don’t want Milo to grow up thinking of me as the guy who washed the dishes, or the guy who cooked dinner, or the guy who graded papers all the time. I would rather his memories be of us washing dishes together, cooking dinner together, grading papers together, and just spending time together.

Even if it means having to go back and clean up the messes once he goes to bed.