I Don’t Breastfeed and That’s Okay

2

BreastFeedingI don’t breast feed and that’s okay. I know this may seem outlandish. In a world where half of Instagram is celebrity mothers baring their chests with their beautiful nursing babies. Most of my friends breastfeed. Some for a few months and one I joke will have her son latched on walking next to her at kindergarten. I think this is a wonderful thing. I think it is an amazing gift that God made our bodies to be able to not only keep a human inside of us alive, but gave us something to sustain that life outside of the womb! With that said, I have chosen to bottle feed.

imageOne of the best things about being the mom, is being in charge. I am in charge of my baby. I have never breastfed. I have given birth to 4 babies in the last ten years. I have been a mother to 3 boys who were not born from my body. Two of them went on to new lives and one is mine forever. I have been blessed to take 2 of my babies home from the hospital and raise them.   Two of my babies went to be with God when they entered this world.

As my milk came in the day of both my son and daughter’s funerals, one year and one day apart, I thought about how I would long to feed them. As I was hugged tightly by loving family and friends and reminded of how my body was unaware of my child’s death. But, as I was blessed with both of my healthy daughters and actually given the opportunity, I did not have the desire to breastfeed. I was completely happy to bottle feed them.

Maybe this stems back to growing up in a family where babies were not breastfed. I was a very sick baby who required special formula and was bottle fed. My siblings did not require any special nutrients, but were bottle fed as well. Maybe it stems from watching my sister attempt to breastfeed only to end up bleeding and not having milk.

I have only ever wanted to accomplish one thing in my life and that is being a mom. Nine and a half years ago I reached that goal and became a mom and from the time I was pregnant I knew breastfeeding wasn’t for me and my child. I have heard so many times that breastfeeding bonds a mother and a child. As not only a bottle feeding mother, but as a former foster mother of a newborn I don’t disagree with that, but do take some offense.

A baby is nurtured through touch, and yes through food, but how that food comes to them is not the source of the love. The bottle I held as I fed my daughters and my foster son does not provide anything less than complete nutrition and unending love in my arms.

So as breastfeeding becomes less hidden and babies and boobies are proudly shown on social media, please remember; for every mom that breastfeeds there is a mom who bottle feeds. We are all moms. How we feed is a personal choice, but how we love is no different.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Despite my best efforts (seeking multiple experts, taking supplements, every single thing you can think of) I was not able to exclusively breastfeed. I wanted to–but I was truly one of the women whose body simply did not produce enough. Everything that had been pounded into my head–that it’s the best, formula is poison, that it’s the best way to bond–came crashing down around me. I was very, very hard on myself because of the militant manner in which people advocate breastfeeding. I am not arguing the facts or benefits of breastfeeding. I truly wanted to do it and I tried my hardest. What I dislike is that it’s so absolute for some people and there is no plan “B.” After spending hundreds of dollars out of pocket trying to address the issue, I had to supplement with formula, only for people to tell me that I really should have tried harder. It broke my heart then (I was so hormonal and these were not things I needed to hear when I was literally staying up all night trying to pump to improve my supply) but now looking back it just makes me angry. The militant breastfeeding community made me feel like a failure, like I wasn’t enough, like I wasn’t trying my best for my baby.

    My situation was different from yours. I wanted to breastfeed. But I am not angry or judgmental toward you; I feel for you. I suspect a lot of the things I experienced were the same for you.

    While science definitely supports the benefits of breastfeeding, it’s not like those of us who can’t or won’t love their children any less! I probably did a 50/50 split and my happy, healthy son, who is almost 2.5 now, is just awesome! All of the foster moms, adoptive moms and moms who choose (or must use) formula–nobody can tell me they love their kids any less!

    At the end of the day, it’s what works for you and your family. I wish you all the best!

  2. You write a great post. And yes, you’re the mom, so you get to decide! You have a lot of solid reasons for why you didn’t. I wanted to and did as much as I could for as long as I could. It wasn’t about the bonding for me that made it so important to me. I wanted to give her the best nutritional start (as a certified nutritional consultant for a few years before I got pregnant even) in my personal opinion. It is best, but you have to have the time, the conviction, and the self-awareness to know if it’s the right choice for you. It wasn’t the right choice for you, but I’m sure you gave your kids the best substitute sustenance and take care of them well just the same. I’m proud of you for being willing to have the courage to write this. Other moms may stop feeling the shame society puts on them for their choices because of this post. The law doesn’t say you have to breastfeed, so you get to choose! For every opinion another mom might have, you will have your own against them. Nice thing is, our true individual with isn’t determined by the opinions of others. 😉 keep on keeping on, momma!

LEAVE A REPLY

Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here