Being a Parent with an Eating Disordered Past

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February 25th through March 3rd is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week.  I struggled with disordered eating and body image issues for close to 12 years. I avoided people, events, and gatherings because of this. I’d choose to be alone around “safe food” and not put myself at risk of losing control. I still lost control many times because of the deprivation. I missed out on what should have been the fun years of college and being a young adult.

They are 12 years of my life I will never get back. 

That time is behind me and I’m glad I am not going through it now that I am a mother, but my past affects the way I parent.

I remember how anxious I was when my son transitioned from formula to solids, I had to constantly reassure myself that he would not be going to college subsisting only on baby bottles. My son’s current diet is usually one meal in the morning and little nibbles throughout the day. My pediatrician told me this is very common and normal for kids his age. Still, I could obsess and worry about it, but I have chosen not to. I choose not to worry because my gut instinct tells me he’ll be okay and I can see he is growing. I choose not to worry because I want him to have a healthy relationship with food. I choose not to worry because obsessing over food is a trigger for me.

I don’t cook elaborate meals, but I try my best to provide some variety. Many times what I put down goes uneaten or I’m asked to provide “crackers and cereal” instead. There is no battle at meals. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to improve his palette. When I go grocery shopping, I aim to choose whole or minimally processed foods, but I don’t spend hours at the store scrutinizing every label.

I believe in science and try to keep up to date on information regarding food production and its impact on our health. I don’t follow the latest diet craze or pseudo-research. Sugar is an ingredient in some of the foods he eats. A cheese curl has crossed my son’s lips because he sees me eating them. He also sees me eat broccoli. I believe banishing certain items from the home leads to unhealthy fixations down the road. I’ve heard stories from peers and witnessed friends go crazy when they are around a food that was deemed “forbidden” growing up.  

In addition to creating a relaxed environment around food, I also aim to develop a healthy sense of body and self-confidence for my child.

As the mother of a son, I might have it easier than my friends who have daughters, but eating disorders and depression over body image do affect a large number of men.  I gave up using the “f” word (fat), whether it pertained to me or other people, a long time ago. I refuse to make negative comments about the bodies of people we see in real life or in the media. I love to exercise because of the health benefits and because it makes me feel strong, I hope that I will pass that down to my child.

It’s my job as a parent to guide my child in the exploration of nutrition and body image but in the blink of an eye, the training wheels will come off and he’ll be on his own as an adult. I don’t want him to waste years of his life stressing out over food and his body like I did.

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