Raising Financially Responsible Children – Minus the Anxiety and Guilt

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You have probably heard a lot of the same advice for teaching kids about money that I have. Teach them the value of a dollar by working to earn some of their own money. Show them how to save, spend, and give in proper proportions. Offer opportunities to practice spending, learning hard lessons from poor choices and enjoying satisfaction from good ones.

It is all good advice, but I have found that there’s more to it than that. Much more, for some of us.

Money is both a simple issue of math and a deeply complex issue of security, trust, fear, safety, guilt, satisfaction, anxiety, power, self-worth, and love.

Maybe you grew up in a family with a completely healthy, honest, and realistic relationship with money, but I don’t know a lot of those people. Whether big or small, most of us have issues.

While I doubt my children will make it to adulthood completely untouched by our family’s own issues, I am doing what I can to develop in them not just skilled money-making decisions, but a healthy relationship with money. Here are some of the principles I try to keep in mind.

You don’t have to hate your work.

Every Sunday, the I-hate-Monday memes start appearing in my feed. Sure, I can chuckle along, but I can’t agree. I like Mondays. I’m not in love with my alarm clock, but I like going to my weekly meeting with the people I work with. I like starting our homeschool week. This is a lesson I want my children to carry into adulthood—that work doesn’t have to be a miserable chore. In fact, because you will likely spend the majority of your time doing it, it should be something you love or at least enjoy, not just tolerate.

Usually, our children are watching us carefully, especially as they become teens, to see how this whole adult thing works. However, I’ve found that I need to be more transparent about our decision-making when it comes to work life, as kids can’t see all the considerations we are weighing in our heads.

So I have pointed out to them how flexibility and the ability to spend time with them are huge considerations for both my husband and me in the jobs we have. We have also talked about enjoying the people we work with, where they want to live (near an ocean or the mountains, near family, abroad, etc.), what kind of work would be personally interesting and satisfying, a positive culture, and work-life balance.

No, we’re not poor, and I’m still not buying that. 

I have an awful habit of saying, “We can’t afford it,” or “That’s too expensive,” when that is not what I really mean. What I really mean is that I don’t want to spend money on that. Unfortunately, my words have sometimes left my children with the impression that we don’t have enough money for the things we need.  

I try to replace these phrases with words that better reflect what I mean. “We don’t want to spend money on that now.” “That’s not really worth it to me.” “We’d rather save our money for something else that we like more.” “Yes, we could go out to eat again, but I am keeping in mind the other expenses coming up.”

Again, transparency is key. Our kids can’t see what’s happening in our heads so it’s useful to spell it out for them. For me, the ideas above are obvious, but other ideas are harder for me to express. The satisfaction of having a wide cushion in my bank account, getting a good deal on a large purchase, or knowing I cooked dinner at home five nights in a row at a fourth of the cost it would have been to go out. We might have enough money to not worry about some of that, but it is satisfying to be good caretakers of what we have. I have to remind myself to say those things out loud to my children because there is no other way they will know. 

You have the power to create your own financial situation. 

Luckily, we have enough for all of our needs, but unfortunately, that means wants sometimes start to look like needs to our kids. I know it can be frustrating for them to want/need something but not be in control of getting it. So whenever possible, I try to empower them to get what they want.

Over the years, this has taken on a lot of forms—from lemonade stands, to bake sales, to babysitting and part-time jobs. Yes, it takes effort on my part to make these happen. Helping, teaching, driving. It is worth it though. When a kid hands over a stack of cash that he worked hard for so you can sign him up for the pricey summer camp he wants, both of you will be super proud of him.

I want this to be more than a lesson in hard work though. I want my children to grasp how powerful they are. If their financial situation isn’t what they want, if an exotic vacation seems out of reach, if unexpected car repairs have turned their budget upside down, hopefully, they will remember that they have the skills and knowledge to get what they want. No need to panic, worry, or wallow. Make a plan and get busy.

While there are many other lessons and discussions to be had, these are the most frequent conversations around here lately. I hope I am setting my kids on the path to not just financial responsibility, but a healthy relationship with money. I will be thrilled if they can avoid some of the dissatisfaction, worry, anxiety, and fear with which so many of us struggle.

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Tara Limoco
Cincinnati has been my home since graduating from college, and thanks to all the friends I have made here, I am happy to now call it home. I am Mom to three teenagers so life is never boring at our house. While we homeschooled for several years, we are slowly aging out of that adventure and into the new territory of dating, driving, college applications and who knows what next! When my mom hat isn't on, I squeeze in a few of my other loves–exploring our city, crafting, reading, kayaking, hiking, gardening, traveling, and teaching people to take good care of their skin through my Mary Kay business. Oh, and of course writing!

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