I gave up alcohol on Feb. 12, 2022. I know the exact date because I have been counting the days since my last drink. As an alcoholic, we do weird things like count days since we abused a substance because we are proud, but also because sometimes we still crave it. It is such an accomplishment but also such a daily grind, where each day, we have to choose sobriety. Because alcoholism is a disease, it is important to get our daily medicine, which includes prayer, daily reflections, recovery meetings, and service work.
Before I became a mother in 2017, I gave up alcohol for what I thought was for good.
I had spent a great deal of time in my 20’s drinking in bars and also drinking too much at home. How did I know I had a problem? I never could have just one drink. I always had to finish my drinks, even when I knew I had had too much. I drank to celebrate and when I was sad. I drank to get drunk – to avoid my problems, to have deep conversations, to be able to function some days. After quitting the drink, I spent 4.5 years in sobriety without much outside support. Within that time, I became a mother to three children, who happened to be all under the age of 17 months (if you’re trying to do the math, I had twins). I spent a lot of that time as an angry mother. I was angry I had to quit drinking in the first place. I was angry I had to stay sober for my then-husband and kids. So. Many. Resentments.
Last year was a tremendously hard year and I relapsed. I had been miserable in sobriety (because I didn’t do the work) and I thought alcohol would make it all better; however, it made it worse. I didn’t see my kids for the month I was drinking because I wanted to protect them from myself. I checked myself into a rehabilitation center after a month of misery. There I learned the power of writing, therapy, and recovery groups. I realized I wasn’t alone in this fight.
After being discharged, I attended recovery groups every day and was finally able to see my kids again.
I took it one day at a time, which is the only way I could handle being sober because I still craved it so badly. My depression started to get bad in February 2022 and I relapsed again; however, this time, it was only for one day. I have learned so much from utilizing recovery groups and had made many friends along the way. I no longer wanted to use alcohol to “solve all my problems.” Because the truth was, alcohol made it much worse.
Today, I have seven months of sobriety. I am present for my children and I am able to show up for them when they need me. I have a family that supports me, consisting of blood and non-blood-related people. I have a life I only dreamed about when I was sober and miserable or drunk. While everything isn’t perfect, I am thankful for the life I have. I am thankful alcohol doesn’t have to be my solution to my problems anymore. If you feel that you have a problem with alcohol or staying sober, don’t wait to get help! Here are some resources located in Cincinnati.
