Moving to a new city is hard.
There’s the whole moving process. Trust me, the grass is NOT greener on the other side of that fence. Stay where you are if you can. The moving process is stressful, frustrating, and oftentimes downright cruel.
There’s the whole “THANK GOODNESS FOR GPS” thing. Remember printing out Mapquest? Trying to read directions while driving? Roads that didn’t exist? Ohh, remember before that? Actual maps? Now my phone tells me a half mile ahead when to turn right or left. Plenty of time to get lined up. Thank you, GPS.
Then there’s the whole making new friends part. For a former introvert, this has been the most intimidating part. I always used to joke that making friends after college was like dating. What do I wear? I want to look casual and friendly, but not like a slob. What will we talk about? Can I even get this other woman to meet me out? Wait, how do I find this other woman, my future friend?
Since coming to Cincinnati, I have been very fortunate. In a brief amount of time, I have made some awesome new friends. So let me help you, future friend, by giving you some of my tried and true tips!
1. Get out of the house! Try a story time, the zoo, the museum, one of the many amazing parks… go someplace where there will be other people and other kids! There are a bunch of Mom groups in this city–try one out!
2. Smile. Smile at everyone. Say hi first. It can be intimidating for an introvert to make eye contact, but try it. It gets easier! Practice with people walking past you if you’re really nervous. This is where I will quote the movie “Elf”: “I just like to smile! Smiling’s my favorite.”
3. Comment. Say something nice about what your future friend is wearing, what her kid is wearing, what your future friend is holding (coffee, bag, baby, book, etc), her child’s smile/eyes/hair, etc.
4. Observe Reaction. Does future friend smile back? Does she roll with the conversation? If so, proceed to step 5. If she half smiles and turns away from you, or turns all of her attention elsewhere, she is not your future friend. At least not right now. Wave and say, “Well, have a great day!”
5. Keep the conversation going and try to find something you have in common. Offer tidbits about yourself and see if they are reciprocated. Maybe future friend is new to Cincinnati as well. Maybe future friend has a child the same age as yours. Maybe future friend loves sushi, too. Etc. Etc. The best way to initiate conversation is to ask questions. Most people really like being helpful.
6. Make your Move. If future friend seems enthusiastic about speaking with you, ask if future friend ever takes her child to the zoo, museum, park, story time, etc. This is your in. If she says yes, mention that you love that place, too. Then, as if the idea has just come to you, say, “We should meet up there sometime!” If she says that sounds great, say, “Let’s exchange numbers,”and follow up! Most of the time if you get rejected here, which doesn’t happen often but does occur, the other mom will just say something along the lines of, “Yeah, that would be good. Well, we have to head out, maybe we’ll see you here again sometime? Bye!” In other words, the other mom will usually give you an out.
7. Follow up. In a few days, text future friend and say, “Hey, we were thinking about heading to zoo/museum/park, etc. today/tomorrow/this Friday. If you guys are free, we should meet up!” If future friend responds that she is busy, don’t take it as a definite diss. She might actually be busy. Instead, see if she initiates something in the future. And definitely try again next week. If she doesn’t seem keen about it then, let it go. If she says sure, then you’re on your way from future friend to just friend!
In my opinion, making friends is a lot like dating. Not everyone you meet is going to be your new bestie. But there are a lot of really great moms out there who may want to be one of your new friends. Trust me, if you initiated conversation with me, I’d be thrilled! Similar to dating, don’t get down in the dumps if you get “rejected.” As you probably know, moms are busy. Really busy. Don’t make assumptions about why the other mom blew you off. You never really know someone’s story.
The truth is, in most cases, people struggle with the follow up. Life is hectic. We forget. We’re human. Don’t be afraid to call/text someone you haven’t spoken to in a few weeks that you felt you hit it off with–what’s the worst that could happen? Best case scenario, you may have just made a new friend!
