I Didn’t Baby Proof: Perspectives in Parenting {Series}

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Ah, baby-proofing.  The oft obsessed about, requirement of new parents.  Just go to any store that sells baby stuff (not even a baby-only store) and you’ll find endless racks of baby-proofing paraphernalia.  To not baby-proof is to commit a grievous crime and exposes you as a lazy (and misinformed; and uncaring) parent.  Or at least, that’s what just about every single online article, forum, and blog I read while I was pregnant tried to make me believe.  I can’t tell you how many emails I got from Babycenter (and whatever other pregnancy websites I signed up for following the excitement of learning I was pregnant) reminding me that I needed to get started with baby-proofing. There is no shortage of information on the topic out there, I can assure you.

Baby ProofBut.  But, what if I didn’t want to baby-proof?  Why should I transform my home into a bubble-wrapped environment and make it nearly inaccessible for the adults living there?  Was this really necessary?  After doing some thinking (and there’s lots of time for that when you are growing a tiny human… especially your FIRST tiny human), I decided that baby-proofing was not for me, and here’s why:

  1. A newborn doesn’t move unless you move him/her.  So baby proofing while still pregnant seemed a little ridiculous.  IF I were to baby-proof, I reasoned, it could wait until the baby was at least somewhat mobile.  At that point, I’d have a better idea of what to baby-proof and how.  I’d also know in which rooms we’d predominantly be spending our time and thus know how to focus my efforts. (This became a moot point since I ultimately ended up doing zero baby-proofing).
  2. Even when baby does start moving, there will always be parental supervision.  I know babies can be quick, but they’re not THAT quick, especially if you are being vigilant.  It just didn’t seem likely that baby could wander off and get into something dangerous while my husband or I were around (it was kid number 1, after all)… and we didn’t have any plans to have a babysitter while our son was that young.
  3. But this was my biggest hangup: What if we take baby outside of our nicely protected and baby-proofed home?  The world isn’t baby proofed… my friends’ and families’ homes aren’t baby-proofed. Shouldn’t baby know that he or she needs to always listen to mom and dad, no matter the environment?  And what better way to teach that than using our own home as an example.

We felt like establishing clear rules and boundaries through verbal and non-verbal cues was a more valuable use of our time than making sure our house was completely danger free.  We let him explore the house on his own terms and redirected him when he got into “dangerous” territory.  We used the dreaded “No” word when he tried to eat the dog’s food, open the under-sink cupboard, or play in the kitchen trash can.  And it worked pretty well- he listens when we tell him no (for the most part… he is still a toddler), and he understands when mom and dad mean business.

To be fair, we did buy a baby gate for our stairs (we have a 2-story house and a basement), but I can count on one hand the number of times we used the gate for Ian- and of those times, only once or twice was for its intended purpose (we may or may not have used the gate a few times to block him into the corner during “timeout”….shhh don’t tell).  But gating the stairs just never seemed necessary- we never found we needed it. (The gate has come in handy for our elderly dog, though, to keep her from exhausting herself by going up and down the stairs while we’re not home. So, it wasn’t a totally wasted purchase).

Now, I’m not knocking those who baby-proof.  Everyone has their reasons for doing it (or not) and deciding to what extent.  I’m just asking for that same courtesy and understanding to be extended to us non baby-proofers.  We have our own reasons for not baby-proofing and it has worked for us.

 

3 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Beth,

    While I agree with most of what you’ve written here (the world isn’t baby proofed, children need to learn how the world works, bumps bruises and scrapes are part of growing up) I think the subject matter and way its presented is a bit irresponsible. Yes you presented it as an anecdote, not as data leading to a scientific conclusion but to the casual reader your anecdotal experience can seem like sage advice.

    As someone who studies this data and deals in this space accidents do happen. The reality is that statistically speaking you won’t need your seat belt the next time you drive. That’s not why you put it on though. In reality you statistically won’t need any of the insurance that you pay for monthly. Again, that’s not why you have it. Baby proofing doesn’t have to be ugly or inconvenient and for the few bucks it costs, compared to all the money children cost and the ways that they change your life I see no up side to not baby proofing.

    I’m not advocating that you cover everything in plastic and foam, the world isn’t baby proofed and kids need to learn how the world works. Some things are hot, some are hard, drawers bite you if you leave your hand in them while you close them. There are things in the home that statistically cause death and disability. The Ikea recall of Malm dressers comes to mind. This is a few dollars worth of hardware that will literally save a child’s life if they try to climb the dresser. If your home is like mine, its often full of other people’s children who may not be as knowledgable about physics and the world as ours are. There is seriously NO reason to not anchor furniture.

    As for stairs, statistically a child is sent to the ER every 30 seconds in the US (according to parents.com ). Yes 24 month olds are often proficient on stairs by that age but they also lack the maturity and frame of reference for how dangerous stairs are. They see you run up without holding on and then they now will run up without holding on. As they build a comfort level they tend to think nothing of bringing a large stuffed animal of off balance toy with them down the stairs. A gate isn’t a baby sitter that allows you to not watch your child, its there for the three seconds you were doing something and they dipped around a corner. No one can helicopter there kid 24-7 its unrealistic to pretend thats an option.

    Sometimes a first child is very mellow and a second child can’t climb fast enough. Our own daughter, if you told her something was dangerous, would take you at face value. Our son on the other hand would have to find specifically the way in which it would injure him. I know lots of people that didn’t baby proof and their kids were fine. I work with a pediatric allergist who calls this approach to parenting “drunk driving”. He states : “Globally, there are millions of people that routinely drink and drive. They will all tell you that it is fine and that nothing has happened to them or anyone else. Do you know what? They’re right! Until they’re not.”

    I’m glad that you approach worked for you. I encourage all parents to teach their children that the range is hot, that coffee mugs are hot. We teach our kids about strangers and every other danger out there, this is no different. Your kids will be at other people’s homes and they won’t be baby proofed. Kids need to learn how the world works. Baby Proofing gives you those extra few seconds if a child ducks around a corner and the piece of mind that you’ve removed the items that cause death and disability such as stairs and furniture toppling.

    • Thanks for your well-reasoned response. All perfectly great points here, and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to NOT baby-proof simply because of my post. I would hope that all parents do their research and make the decision that works best for them. It’s true my son was a good listener- I told him not to do something, and he listened. Not all kids are that way, and a child with a different personality may require some degree of baby-proofing. Thanks for reading and sharing your perspective!

  2. Irresponsible post. I know someone who didn’t strap down their dressor. Their toddler woke from a nap and tried to clinb it, it tipped over and killed him. He would still be alive if they had strapped it to a wall

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