You know the scene in Mean Girls (or any high school-themed movie, really) when she walks into the cafeteria and no one looks up at her, so she ends up eating in the bathroom? That was me the other day, except I was at a new, popular park in Cincinnati, where I obviously had no friends. I walked up and surveyed the area, looking for a place to park the stroller and set up camp. It was crowded, mostly groups of moms, talking while their kids played. Not a single one made eye contact with me and believe it or not, one even scooted over on a bench so that I couldn’t sit there! I totally felt like Forest Gump.
This isn’t the first time this has happened, especially since I became a stay at home mom. It’s happened at my gym, the museum, the zoo. I am like a freshman in high school all over again, trying to make new friends. Most of my close friends either work full time, live on the opposite side of town or have varying schedules, so it’s often just my kids and me out and about in the city. I’ve made a few connections with other women who stay home, but nothing consistent.
In other words, I am finding it very difficult to make friends.
I know this is mostly my fault for not following up with people and not always taking initiative to reach out, but it also seems to me that I am not quite part of a certain club. Or at least, I don’t know the rules yet.
During my time at the park (while wearing my sunglasses to conceal my gawking), I observed these groups of women and wondered how they knew each other. Are they childhood friends, did they meet at church or are they a mom’s group made up of random women like me who are looking for comradery? It seemed to be a mixture. There were other moms there with only their kids. Some were glued to an electronic device and others were chasing after their little ones. I tried a few times to make small talk with them. I complimented one on her shoes, but that didn’t get very far when my son decided to run toward a construction site. I tried again and started talking about how amazing the park was and asked if she had been there before. She had, several times, and apparently thought I was crazy for just now making it there. I was beginning to feel like I was on a really bad first date.
In the meantime, my son had made two new friends just by chasing them and sharing a love for cranes and mulch playing. If only it was that easy for adults. I’ve loved my time at home with the kids, but I desperately miss adult interaction and conversation. That’s probably why I enjoy writing as much as I do because it’s kind of like talking and at least I’m connecting to the adult world.
The thing about this whole scenario that is encouraging to me…I know there are others like me out there! Maybe you are even reading this and nodding in agreement. Can we be best friends?? Okay, maybe that’s a little forward. But lets at least say hi to each other at the park and offer up the next bench over. I promise to put down my cell phone, take off my sunglasses and make eye contact with you. I will make small talk and just maybe we’ll have something in common. It’s not easy to make new friends as an adult. We are set in our ways, already have great friends and routines. But I’m ready for new connections that will enrich my life, as well as my kids’. I’ll see you on the playground.
I’m a stay at home mom I have four boys 3 yrs,11,12,20 And live in eastern Kentucky. I have had this issue for so many years it’s hard when your a stay at home mom and try to make friends I always feel like the outsider. I’m a older mom (fixing to be 41)so a lot of the other moms are younger than me and it’s like they don’t want to social with me , maybe one of these days, a lot of my friends that have kids have older kids and don’t get out a lot to parks etc.
Been there! When we moved to our current city, I was shocked how exclusive the moms were. There was definitely a ‘mean girl’ vibe going on. (I joined a moms club, which is nice now, but at the time it was very cliquey). I always go out of my way to talk to new members, or anyone who seems shy or uncomfortable. Solidarity!
Hi! I totally agree with you and I have felt this for a long time. My kids are five, two, and newborn. We recently moved from a very trendy neighborhood in Denver to the suburbs in a more diverse area and so far it’s been much better but still very dating awkward. In our old neighborhood I didn’t fit in anywhere and my daughters preschool was so uncomfortable because not many moms even made eye contact let alone have a convo. It’s very sad to me because being a mom is a whirlwind of emotions and is very hard and good support and understanding from a fellow mom friend us so nice to have. I’m talking the ones that you can sit around and vent to about real life struggles with kiddos. My sister lives in Hyde park she’s lived in Cincinnati for almost twenty years she loves it. Her name is Jill she has two kids Claire and Craig they are four and two she is great I would love to introduce you guys.
I have been in your shoes. I’ve felt isolated, depressed, and hopelessness. All of these feelings left when I discovered Meetup and found my village. NE Cincinnati MAMAs has changed my life. I tried 4 groups before finding my work soulmates. I highly recommend for all the alone MAMAs to go to Meetup and find your village. We all need female support and companionship.