Stop running! No! Don’t do that! No water! Watch where you’re going! Two hands! Focus! Calm down. Breathe! ….my little boy DOES NOT STOP! It could seem like my kid is unruly, but it’s all about perspective.
He’s active. He’s silly. He’s independent. He gets upset after not being able to do it by himself. He’s protective of his big sister and mami. He loves Monster Trucks and sports cars… I mean Rock Star Cars! He loves building. He loves playing in the dirt and helping dad or best bud, Country, doing landscaping or yard work. He’s a hard worker. He’s tentative. He speaks well. He can be polite. He’s sensitive. He loves books. He really enjoys cooking and eating….YUP! My Langston is a typical three-year-old boy who has lots of energy!
This is super conflicting for dad. My husband adores our babies – who are growing so fast! My husband, however, is calm and likes things to be quiet. Non of which my son is.
From my husband’s perspective, Langston is unable to sit still and listen and this will lead to problems in his life. People won’t like him, and he’ll learn things the hard way. “I just can’t have a disobedient son who always wants to do what he wants and moves/does too much…especially when it affects other people.” My husband’s example to his friend was that the reason things are the way they are in America is because they all act like a bunch of three-year-olds – foolish, action without thought, and focus on only how things benefit them. I don’t disagree with him, but I also have a different perspective to add to it.
He is a scientist and teaches biology. He was also raised as a single child. He’s also introverted, and too many people or too much noise actually tires him out. Add kids to the mix…and he’s on overdrive, ESPECIALLY when he has to repeat himself one too many times.
So after his usual speech about Langston, I did something different and stated the different perspective. All I did was point out the differences between them and how others see Langston.
Differences
Dad likes quiet – Langston likes movement and different noises.
Dad moves slowly – Langston moves fast.
Dad thinks long and hard about things – Langston leaps without thinking.
Dad is more serious – Langston is silly and likes to make people laugh, but is also caring.
Dad is tired – Langston has lots of energy and needs to jump and move.
Similarities
Dad likes cooking – Langston likes “cooking”, even if it’s not edible, but he likes to help cooking, too!
Dad likes working in the yard – Langston likes working in the yard.
Dad likes doing things himself – Langston likes doing things himself.
Dad is caring and takes care of you – Langston is caring and always makes sure you’re okay.
Dad likes sweets – Langston likes sweets.
Dad is/was a fast runner – Langston is a fast runner.
Dad is specific with his things – Langston is specific with his things.
The Perspective
While my husband finds Langston annoying, disobedient, restless, over-active, others find him to be cheerful, see him as a leader with great energy to move and motivate people, and they see him as loving and super smart.
I reminded him that perspective is important.
Everyone is different and yes, sometimes your children will push your buttons because they are different and don’t agree with your perspective or the way you do things. They are their own people growing into their own shoes. My husband’s mom LOVED to dance and play music. He on the other hand does not like dancing and only likes music with a purpose – like playing in the band or if it has a certain tune to it. Music should not be danced to; it should be listened to and enjoyed. I disagree and feel you can love and appreciate music with dance as well.
Dad does not equal Langston. Dad’s way of living and doing things is not how Langston will live or do things. There are people who LOVE how Langston is because they find him fun and have the energy to keep up with him for games and playing around. Dad loves him but is also annoyed by him.
It’s fair to say that in general, it’s challenging in any relationship when you have very different energies. It’s even harder to deal with when it’s your own child because you don’t know how to “handle” them. You don’t know how to interact with them without losing your mind… or in this case mind and breath.
This is no different than the “Five Love Languages” between couples, or different cultures. We are ALL different, and perspective is important if you’re trying to make things work and be positive.
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change.” – Dr.Wayne Dyer.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change something, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou
“You have the capability to change your life all with a simple shift in perspective” – Unknown
How will you shift your perspective today?
