As the school season begins, everyone is scurrying to get things set for the next new nine-month schedule. Aside from purchasing school supplies, clothes shopping and squeezing in the annual physical, parents are figuring out building extracurricular activities. Can I get him to practice on Mondays? Should I set up a carpool? Great – football and soccer practices are on the same night!
I’ve experienced and uttered these words myself over the years. As I get ready to send a high school senior and 8th grader back to school, I offer this warning:
Beware of kids working overtime!
With my kids being older and now better able to communicate with me, I’ve learned quite a few things over the years. Mainly, as my oldest grew up, I began to question why we were doing things and if our jam-packed schedules were drastically less beneficial but more detrimental to everyone’s lives – from playdates, swim lessons and rec sports in younger years to club sports, AP classes and school activities in older years.
As I zoomed around dropping and picking up kids (thank heaven for my parents who live locally that helped!), I started to see all these activities were actually “work” for my kids. I took a look and realized between hopping on the school bus at 6:40 a.m., being in school until 2 p.m., coming home at 2:30 p.m. for a 2-hour break before leaving for soccer practice at 4:45 p.m., practice until 6:30 p.m., travel home and dinner (hopefully) by 7:30 p.m., they have a LONG day. My kids had a longer day than me.
I offer this piece of advice to you parents whose kids are younger (so you can set a good precedent) and to those parents of older kids who may need to take a step back to re-evaluate life: all this busyness isn’t helping anyone – let alone your kids. Slowing things down a bit, saying no, and advocating (and allowing) kids to rest is okay and is a good thing; however, YOU have to take charge to allow this to happen – not coaches, not teachers.
I’ve seen my kids’ teammates rush from one sport to another on the same night, kids looking exhausted to the point I even ask my kids if so and so was sick, and kids missing out on social activities because they have two basketball games and a soccer tournament all in the same weekend. Allow your kids some rest and some fun. Give them balance. Even have them choose one sport/activity if two regularly conflict. YOU have to provide a healthy atmosphere for your kids to thrive academically, athletically and socially.
While the questions below alone don’t mean kids are burned out, saying “yes” to these questions regularly or having multiple “yes’s” may mean it’s time to re-evaluate:
- Fatigue – Taking more naps or are harder to wake up.
- Attitude – More cranky, snippy or irritated. (When we’ve had a long day as adults, aren’t we short-tempered?)
- Look at them – It’s hard sometimes to notice physical changes since you see your kids so much. Do they look pale, have dark circles, yawn a lot, or seem dazed out during a conversation?
- Willingness to get ready – Are they excited and ready to leave for practice? Or are you constantly yelling at them about having to get going?
- Look at their schedule – If you write down everything they do from the start of school to the time they go to bed, is that a long day? Could you do it? Could you handle 3-4 hours of practice a day, every day?
- Is your kid getting sick or injured more often now than in years past?
- If you offer your child a chance to skip practice/activity to stay home, does he/she jump at the chance to miss?
- Ask your kids how things are going! If responses are single-word answers and less than enthusiastic, time to re-evaluate.
- As a parent, are YOU short-tempered and tired?
- Are you spending less time as a family unit enjoying life and more in your car running from place to place?
