I have always been a planner and not shy about sharing my plans with any family and close friends that want to listen. I have known since shortly after I met my husband that I wanted to have 3-4 kids. I am usually an open book, so I shared this plan quite openly once we got engaged. I thought that it was admirable of me to have such important things planned out (barring some things are out of my control, such as trouble conceiving) years before we started having children. I got a different experience than I thought I would as a result of me sharing this information.
Many close family members talked to me about the benefits of only having two children, even though I was always very certain that I wanted to have over two. I believe the frequent ideal number of two children for many is a reflection of the fact that the average family now has two children and so for many families, two is the “normal” amount of kids.
On this topic, there is a memory that stands out vividly in my mind.
I remember that shortly after my husband and I had announced that we were expecting our third, a well-meaning family member let me know that we will now be considered a big family by many people and I should expect that we will not be included in things as much because we have three kids.
Unfortunately, the well-meaning family member was right. SOME family and friends do not invite us over as much since we have had our third. Now I could use this as an opportunity to feel sorry for myself or my kids, but I am choosing to take the positive road.
Thank you to the friends and family that have not been scared off from outings with my three boys and me, especially when my husband is working.
Thank you for cutting up my 1-year-old’s food, while I take the 3-year-old to the bathroom.
Thank you for being such a great listener as my 6-year-old talks your ear off because he has so much to say and he loves to visit with others.
Thank you to those that work with my schedule so that I can occasionally go out with friends with no kids. My schedule isn’t super difficult, but I cannot always make last-minute plans to hang out kid-free, so I appreciate that you ask me in advance when you can.
Thank you to the friends and family who come over to spend time at my house and don’t judge me even if it has been two days since I have taken a shower, there are dishes in the sink, and Duplos on the floor. I love to host and have people over with an immaculate house and an appetizer made and on the table, but sometimes I don’t have a chance to get everything 100% together before you come over. It’s nice to know that you would rather come over and hang out with us when our house is slightly a wreck rather than wait until my house is perfect.
Thank you to the friends and family that are busy, but still take the time to send me an email/text/message/letter/or phone call to see how my large family and I are doing. Yeah, we may not be new to this parenting thing, but sometimes it still gets overwhelming/tiring.
Thank you to those who don’t have kids or happen to have a kid-free day and still want to spend some time with us. I truly think that you are awesome and it speaks volumes for our friendship and your character.
Thank you to those that have kids of your own and although it can be a little crazy at times to have your kids + mine together, you do it anyway, because we have fun, the kids have fun, and the memories are immeasurable.
Thank you to those awesome friends and family that have stuck around even with our huge (I say that with a bit of sarcasm) family. I see you. I appreciate you immensely. I notice what you do, even if I may occasionally forget to say thank you.
I vow to also be brave and continue to be present in the lives of my friends and family despite how many or how few children they have.
