A Letter to My Sister…. I Miss You

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It’s been years since we last talked. It was an argument (even though I wasn’t sure how it got to be an argument) that ended what should seemingly be a close relationship. You were coming close to where I lived for a conference, but despite not seeing each other for years, and living over 1000 miles apart, you were too busy to see me. Too busy to make time for me or for my children that you barely even know.

When you tried to make peace, I was going through a very rough time in my life. I needed to get my own life in order before I could work on restoring a relationship with you. I was in a dark place, and while I probably could have used someone in my life to lift me up, it just wasn’t the right time for me to try to get us back to what we used to be. I wasn’t even the same person I was before, and I honestly wasn’t sure who I was at that point. I had to get better first.

Growing up, I know I messed up your life. I know you had THE life, being the only grandchild on both sides of the family. For four years, you had everyone all to yourself. Then I showed up, and you didn’t want me. I know that you didn’t even want me to come home. I get it, I do. I like the feeling I get when I have the attention on me. And then someone came and stole that away from you. Me.

We never got along perfectly like a lot of siblings, especially sisters, do. Obviously, no sibling relationship is perfect, but there’s “supposed” to be something special about a sister bond. We never really had that bond. I felt like I lived in your shadow most of my life. I wasn’t as pretty as you were. I didn’t have all the guys falling for me like you did.  I got the academic awards, and you called me a nerd.

I was four years younger than you and about 4 steps behind you at all times it seemed like.

When we got to college, we were there together for one semester, and there were times I felt like we got close. But then again, I was just a freshman, and you were a senior. Those classifications just don’t hang out together, regardless of the familial connections. Again, I was in the shadow. I wasn’t known as my own entity. I was known as “so-and-so’s” sister. Yeah, that wasn’t the greatest feeling. When I was alone for meals and had to try to find someone to eat with, you were with your group of friends and I was ignored.

I was strong, and I got through it though and soon became my own person.

As we moved forward in life, you got married and started a family. I was still wandering aimlessly, trying to find my place in the world (I think I’m still wandering at 40 honestly). Again, I thought we were getting closer and forging a serious bond as sisters.  I spent time with your children. My nieces and nephews. I miss them. They are growing up so fast, and I don’t even know who they are.

My kids are pretty awesome too, and I wish that they could know their Aunt and Uncle and all their cousins. But I’m not sure that will happen.

The argument in question was over a silly misunderstanding. I’m sure I didn’t approach the situation with the best attitude. Sometimes, in hurt, we react ways that aren’t always appropriate.

I’ve reached out on multiple occasions to try to patch our relationship. I know that we will never be “close” like many sisters. You’ve refused contact with me for years, even to the point of blocking your children from communicating with me. We have taken different paths in life. You, the serious, religious, straight-and-narrow path. Me, the more laidback, free spirit, dare I say, rebellious, path. But I still love you.

We may not agree on many things, heck, MOST things. We have different beliefs and ideas. But I’m still an accepting person, being able to agree to disagree. You do you, I’ll do me. But in the end, we could still maintain a relationship. But we haven’t.

I’m getting married in a few months. I know you know that since I sent you an invitation. I also know that you probably won’t be there. I guess I really don’t expect you to make the trip and be there. It’s a big expense, and schedules are crazy when kids are involved.

But I can’t help but be extra emotional right now. It’s my big day, and while I have my best girlfriends standing with me on that day, it’s just not the same. I wish you could be there. I try to understand your reasoning, but honestly, I don’t even know what your reasoning is. I’m not sure that I ever will.

Just know that I miss you. I wish we could have back what we used to. I want to call you when something good happens in my life. I want to share with you the accomplishments of my children. I want to have a relationship with your children. But I know that won’t happen.

So for now, just know that while we’ve had our struggles and our ups and downs, I love you and I miss you and only wish you all the best in life, and always will.   

1 COMMENT

  1. Thank you for sharing this. I’m going through a similar situation with my brother, except that we were close and now he’s cut me out of his life and won’t tell me why. It’s been heartbreaking. It’s comforting knowing someone else has a sibling relationship they wish could be mended.

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