My Marriage Comes First

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I wholeheartedly believe that my marriage and husband come before my daughter. There. I said it. But before you blast me, please read all the way to the end.

My husband and I both come from broken homes. Even though they were loving homes, neither one of us had a good picture of a healthy marriage growing up. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I’m just saying that’s how we were raised. 

After we were married and decided to start a family, we started talking about important things we wanted to pass along to our daughter. One of them was showing her what a healthy relationship looked like. We sat down and discussed what that meant to each of us, and surprisingly we both agreed on one thing:

We will put our marriage first.

That doesn’t mean we wouldn’t love our child, or that we would ever ignore her needs and put ours before hers. It just meant that if we were going to be a great example to her as far as what a healthy relationship should look like, then we needed to make it a priority. 

Now that she’s on her way to being three, let me tell you what this looks like for us.

We make date night a priority. Once or twice a month she goes to a grandparent’s house and spends the night, and we spend time together as a couple. Sometimes we go out to dinner and do something fun, but most of the time we end up wandering Half Price Books for an hour or so. It’s amazing that they carry things other than children’s books and movies! We also go grocery shopping. Yep. You read that correctly. That’s something we both enjoy doing, so why not do it together? Our daughter is used to sleepovers with the grandparents, so she views these as a treat rather than neglect. She looks forward to them just as much as we do.

We are affectionate in front of her. I can count on two hands the number of times I remember my parents showing public affection. I remember thinking how gross and awkward it was. We decided to break the taboo and let our daughter see us kiss and hold hands. Now, of course, we aren’t making out or doing anything inappropriate, but a simple kiss and holding hands in the car or while walking is letting her know it’s ok to show that affection and is nothing to be embarrassed about. 

We don’t argue in front of our daughter. She knows we don’t agree on everything, but what she doesn’t need to know about is all of our blowups. By allowing her to see that we don’t always have to see eye to eye, but will talk about it later when emotions have calmed and she’s not in the room, it shows respect to the other person. I am respecting my husband, and in turn, my marriage, by not bashing and yelling at him in front of her. The same goes for him with me. I want her to know that conflict will arise, but I want to show her how to confront it in a healthy way.

Our toddler does not run our house. We have set rules that she must follow. She’s still young and learning, but she knows that we are a united front and will agree on things such as rules and punishments. When mom or dad says no, that means no from both of us. I don’t always agree with the reasons for a no, but I will always support my husband when he draws the line.

My husband came before our daughter, and he will be there once she’s away. We started our relationship out with friendship and grew it into love. I want to know that when we have raised our daughter and sent her off into the world that I will still have my best friend by my side. If our marriage hasn’t been a priority throughout her 18 years at home, then what will be left when she’s gone? I want to know that we still have each other to date, have fun, and grow old together because we put the effort in along the way. I don’t want to be left with a stranger who I’ve grown apart from while becoming overly attached to my daughter.

Also, if she so chooses later in life, I want her to know exactly what to look for and expect from a future partner. We all want our children to be successful, and marriage can be a part of that. No one wants their child to end up in a bad relationship, so by being real and showing her ours, we are hoping she can find someone who will treat her with love and respect.

We love our daughter fiercely and view her as our biggest blessing as a couple. She has brought more joy to our lives than we could have ever asked for. But by starting her out with a solid foundation of a united parenting front, we feel this will set her up for success in life. We have seen too many marriages fall apart because of children, and we both agree that the best way to raise our daughter is together. So, the best choice for our family is to put in the effort to make sure our marriage is safe and sound.

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Kristin Latchaw
I am a born and raised Cincinnatian, and I love this city and everything it has to offer. I'm married to my wonderful husband, Joe, and our daughter is a spunky, opinionated toddler named Rozlyn. I was raised a West Sider, but moved northeast shortly before marriage. My husband teases that West Side roots run deep, and I cannot go anywhere without seeing someone I know! I love exploring the city with my little family. Some of the most fun we have had together is when we just get up and see where the day takes us. I am embracing my current role as a SAHM and constantly learning as I go!

1 COMMENT

  1. Great read. Yes, the relationship the marriage comes first. It comes before children, friends, family, jobs etc. God, marriage, family

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