Finding Myself Again After Children

Me time. Me time. Me time!… Me Me Me!… That’s all we hear from everyone around us, especially from our kids.

All they want is to spend time with us and want that precious one-one “me time.” Moms (and dads) are busy ALL THE TIME because there’s so much to do. House chores, kids, sports, family time, projects, errands, and the list goes on. It never ends! We wear so many hats, and it’s exhausting. Just thinking about everything makes me feel like I already ran a marathon… 

But what about “Me time” as in “Mommy time?”

Women seem to talk about this the most and, therefore, desire it the most. I’ve never heard a guy say, “I need some time for myself,” and it’s probably because there’s an automatic expectation that we’ll just take care of the kids and figure everything out. I see it happen with my friends and their families, and it also happens in my household. These subtle subconscious expectations plus my own critiquing and comparing myself to other “super-moms” really affected me. 

I felt isolated. I felt lost. I felt worthless and like an underachiever. I felt like I no longer had an identity because I lost sight of who I am. “Hello, my name is mommy” is not how I introduce myself to others. It’s not my only identity, just a part of me.

I had to find myself again after having children. 

Being a stay at home mama/mompreneur, I had to find time for myself without my beautiful babies. Just me, my thoughts, my heartbeat, my breathing… nothing else. But how or when?!

Night time? I’m exhausted! I’d fall asleep reading a book or trying to stretch.

Wake up earlier? Yeah right! Still nursing my baby and my toddler likes to wake up before the rooster!

While they’re napping? Nope, my kids don’t always nap at the same time and my toddler doesn’t nap all the time either. 

My position – I don’t have family here, everyone works full time, I can’t afford a babysitter or daycare, and my neighbors aren’t always available… So what can I do? I put out a Facebook post asking if there were any SAHM that would like to swap some days where I would watch their kids for a few hours and then they would watch mine for few hours. After some trial and error, I was finally able to make it work with one mom who is now a really amazing friend! We swap every Friday for 5 hours, 10 a.m. – 3 p.m. I get her kids one week, and she gets mine the following week. This has been huge for both of us because we now know when we will get un-interrupted “me time.” It’s so heavenly! 

In that time, I make sure to work on and do things I love.

I read, run errands, or sometimes, just take a long shower and nap. It’s beautiful! I’m slowly finding myself again, and am having time to re-energize myself and ground myself before having to put the “mommy hat” on again. The first day felt so weird because I didn’t know what to do with that time, but it didn’t take long for me to figure it out! 

Another “Mommy time” moment was getting a gym membership! After some serious looking at my finances and making a few changes, I started looking into gyms that had a kids club so I could continue to work on me while my kids were being looked after as they played. This has been so beneficial and amazing for me! I try to make it at least 3x a week. During this time, I work out, take a shower, and if there’s time, I do some work on my computer or find a quiet spot to meditate. 

The important thing is I have found ways to give myself some alone time to be me, work on me, and learn more about my new body and new identity.

Having children definitely changes you from the inside out! I had to learn to accept it and have a clear understanding of what that meant for me and my future. Figuring out the how and when to do me has allowed me to find myself after children; which in turn has helped me, my marriage, and my most important role and purpose in life of being the best mom I can be.