Hey Momma,
So… I have kids now. There are days I want to throw the towel in and admit I am probably failing as a parent. Other times, I think out loud, “How can I be the ONLY PERSON in this WHOLE HOUSE who sees the socks have sat in the same place for two months?” It isn’t uncommon for a left bowl on the counter or table to be enough to spark its fair share of grumbles.
You’ve been there, Mom. I know because I am pretty sure I caused a lot of this havoc in your world.
To be honest, I don’t know how you handled us as kids. I fought loudly with my brother. Alternatively, we could be hyper to a level only rivaled by maybe Cookie-Swirl-C. You’d giggle at us until we pushed you over the edge. Yet, there was not one time I didn’t know you loved me.
Clear as the day you said it, when I’d mess up, I remember you declaring, “I could not care. This is what that looks like…,” and then you would explain what not caring looked like. Without fail, I would concede I’d rather you care… and then accept the grounding that came with the chat.
When I was lost, I’d call you first. I still do. You are the person who said what I needed to grow, although I may not want to have heard the words. In the end, you forever had my back.
Often I wonder if I am causing my kids’ future therapy for, you know, losing my cool due to what appears to be a lost sandwich container from circa 2017 found stuffed under the bed… with the sandwich still in it. Did you ever wonder this? Like seriously question if you were raising us to be self-sufficient when we couldn’t seem to locate the dishwasher?
Today you told me it’s okay to let things go that maybe you were strict with us on… but is it? For what it is worth, you raised us to be people who found challenges but rose to match them… to perceive a problem and wonder if we could help … to hear our inner voice through the chaos.
When I was 19, you gave me a picture of a cat looking at itself in the mirror. He saw a lion instead of a cat. You regularly said the world was not made for the weak. To this day, I have found those words to remain true.
You taught me strength amid childhood. If I can find a way to teach my kids to find power in pushing on, kindness in turmoil, wonder in nature, and marvel in spirituality… all while simultaneously and miraculously teaching them how to match socks and bake a cake… then know this is because of you.
Momma, thank you. I love you.
Feliz, every good mom questions herself constantly, and at the same moment, she attempts to establish firm rules for her children. Listening is essential, and so are boundaries. And so is crying in the middle of the night, screaming to the Heavens as you question your sanity. You were a guide for me, too! Being a mom is the toughest, most trying, personally challenging job in the world! You have to be willing to be the enemy, hoping one day, this will be perceived as guidance. You hope that one day your effort will be recognized as “wisdom”. And you pray, your daughter will be there to dry your eyes when you read her words of thanks and love! Be strong, my dear, your heart is beautiful!
<3 And your advice and wisdom continue. I love this!