November is National Adoption Awareness month. As an adoptive mother this is an important month for me, not just because of the official timing of it, but because this is the month my son was placed with us.
Often when you hear adoptive parents speak about their adoptions, they tell you that they always knew they would adopt. It was part of their plans. Part of the journey they wanted to go on. For my husband and I it was never a discussion we had. We planned on having children, but never even thought about adoption.
Life took us places we never imagined we would go. Where it left us, was in a place of questioning our future, we were lost as to which way we should go. We had one healthy daughter and had lost one daughter to a birth defect. We had started the process of international adoption. We were thinking this was the right path, but then I became pregnant with our son, Connor. We were about $500 and two steps into the process at the time. When we told the agency I was pregnant they told us we could no longer adopt through them. At the time I was completely split on whether I was devastated or relieved. This meant we would not be adopting the child I had been dreaming of, but it also meant that we wouldn’t have to travel so far without our daughter, Anna.
We took this as a sign that maybe we weren’t supposed to adopt. Then 16 weeks into my pregnancy we were given the same devastating fatal diagnosis we had been given for our daughter, Emma. Once again we were lost. This pregnancy was the reason we were no longer able to adopt from Bulgaria, but this child was not going to be with us either.
As I researched different options for adoption I was drawn this time to domestic adoption. I contacted our County Agency and we sent in our paperwork. My husband and I attended 35 hours of training and completed our home study, all while I carried Connor to term. We had a few amazing people from the agency who we worked with and who remain in our lives 6 years later. Connor was born and passed away in April. In June our home study was approved and shortly after we had our first call.
I thought this is it. This will be our child. After a week of phone calls and questions, my husband and I traveled back and forth to Columbus for 3 days for training. This tiny baby was in the NICU and we were his first visitors after 6 weeks of life. We fell in love and were so excited to take him home. After having him in our home just under a month I took him for the follow up tests from his hospital stay. The results were devastating. He was given a very poor prognosis. His medical needs had done a 180 and they were unable to give us a life expectancy because of them. After an agonizing week of deciding what would be best for our daughter and ourselves, we made the choice to have him placed into a home that could better care for him. All of this happened just 4 months after our son passed away.
We found ourselves in this place of grief and fear, not knowing where to go. We quickly received a phone call for a newborn. I told our worker yes and then broke down knowing I couldn’t handle this again, so soon. I called back immediately and told her no. We needed a break.
About a month passed and one day while I was looking online at the County website for waiting children, I saw this face. These eyes that drew me in. I contacted our worker. She said he was already set for Match committee, but they could add our home study. Forty families had put in for this child, which were then lowered down to 11 families and eventually to just us. We were chosen for this child.
After a few weeks and a short transition he was in our home. Six months later he was officially adopted and ours forever. He is our son. He makes me smile, tests my patience and makes me prouder than I could have thought possible. He is a smart and snugly boy who fills our lives with what we never even knew we were missing.
Looking back I know he was always meant to be with us. As much as I tried to control how my family formed, I know I was not the one in control.
This was solidified by the placement of our foster son last year. He was 14 months old and our entire family fell in love with him. He spent 342 days with us before he went to live with his aunt, just 19 days after that I gave birth to a healthy baby girl. The idea that I had to adopt our third child was not what was meant to be. God had other plans for us.
Adoption has changed our lives. It is a part of our family. It has helped create our family. We don’t make a big deal out of it all of the time, but when it comes time for National Adoption Awareness Month I am proud to share our story. For those who are in the midst of the unknown and struggling with the wait there is hope. Someday when you least expect it you will look back and realize that it all fell into place when you weren’t even looking.
Somehow destiny comes into play. These children end up with you and you end up with them. It’s something quite magical.
– Nicole Kidman
