When I transitioned from being a working mom to a stay-at-home mom, I had no idea the lifestyle changes about to take place. In my previous article, you read the top 10 steps I took after becoming a SAHM. Here are the next 10 steps to take as a SAHM in what was a major transition from a stressful career to being home full-time with my kiddos.
Step 11: Catch Up on What Hasn’t Been Accomplished
We lived in our current location for four years, and there were still a ton of boxes unpacked. It was time for us, and it is now for you. Attack clutter head-on. You will feel satisfied and accomplished. As a new stay-at-home mom, when there was no financial portfolio to show for my day, this helped me feel a sense of contribution.
Step 12: Get Out in Nature
Hike. Visit local and state parks. Brush the dust off your bike and ride with the kids. Kayak. Go geocaching. Plant a garden and attempt not to kill the entire thing by forgetting to water it. Do anything but sit inside. Breathe deep the fresh air and not the recycled office A/C that’s been filtered through your lungs for the last twenty years.
Connect to nature. It has hidden lessons. Go listen and learn.
Step 13: Redefine What it Means to be Someone’s Friend
When you are playing parent plus answering to a job, friendships slide. It is not intentional, and everyone understands… but, it happens. Don’t wait for your friends to invite you. Reach out to them. Write a letter, not a text. Make a date for coffee. Become the friend you want to have.
Step 14: Find a Cause and Get Involved
Look at the community around you and find a cause to get behind. Maybe it is cleaning up trash or volunteering for an organization. Bring your kids. Celebrate giving to others without the expectation of a pat on the back or anything else in return. Some of the joy of being a stay-at-home mom is you have the time to really help others.
Be the helper in the Mr. Rodger’s quote, “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’”
Step 15: Reflect On Your Spouse
Appreciate that it is pretty darn astounding when his skin brushes against yours, and without stress blocking your sensations, you still get butterflies. Take a moment and soak in the fact he has continued to love you through your stress and your mental vacancy.
When you guys got married, a high demanding job and little humans probably were not already in the equation. It is quite possible through the years, he may have reasoned the “you-ness” was simply gone. Allow yourself to fall in love with how devoted he has been through your path.
Most of the time, much of the organizing, planning, sports, activities, playdates, conferences, presents, party-planning, meal prepping, bill-paying, home-tasks, and so much more fall on the mom while simultaneously working. We are going to be stressed. Yet, if you have a husband who continued to love you through it, no matter how the stress may have changed you temporarily, acknowledge how amazing that is. “Through sickness and health.” Stress makes us mentally and physically sick. He kept his vow. Go hug him for that.
Step 16: Thank Your Parents
If you are lucky enough to have parents who help you, go thank them. Undoubtedly, they had to act as mini-parents during this juggling act. Mine told me I was overwhelmed, but I couldn’t see it. They didn’t push and lent a hand instead. They helped with the house, surprised us with random yard work, and carpooled to our kids’ practices. Without their assistance, our children would not have half the opportunities they did.
Whether we are in our twenties, thirties, forties, or more…we always need our parents. They let us know we are doing an okay job when we think we are failing. They teach us tricks… ahem, turn on Sirius Spa station when the kiddos are wacky in the backseat for insta-calm. Without them, we’d be lost during a time we already are barely held together. Now that you have time to reflect on this, thank them.
Step 17: Dabble in Put-Off Dreams
For me, this was writing. It was the one thing I wanted to do my entire life. Finally, as a SAHM, I was able to start to pursue it on my terms.
Find your thing, and make it happen. Want to test your hand at watercolors? Go for it. Pursue opening a bakery or creating a garden. What’s holding you back?
Warning :: It is a terrifying thing to actually start on a dream. You stand the risk of it not working. Try anyway.
Step 18: Give Your Kids a Snack After School
This is a trick. Your kiddos will talk to you about their day as they munch in the kitchen. Listen. Ask them what they think about the situations and conflicts. They will surprise you.
When you are working full-time, evenings are rushed. You are pulled to get everything done in the three hours you’re home at night. These moments of connection suffer. They don’t have to now.
Step 19: Get Involved With the School
Most of us don’t relish at sight of the SignUp Genius email. Help out despite the dread. You see the peers your kiddo is hanging out with. It makes their day when they see you walk in. Know the adults surrounding your child. This is an advantage when you are a SAHM.
Step 20: Find Your Family’s New Rhythm
For years, you have gracefully held spinning plates while teetering on a tightrope. That was your normal. You now have a new normal and with that comes transformation for everyone involved.
Remember, you have one mouth and two ears for a reason. Listening more than lecturing will get you there quicker (I am still working on this). It is okay if your future family dynamic looks nothing like the one of today. If you guys are happy, change willingly.
Openly talk to your spouse about the regret and guilty feelings that pop up. They will. It’s natural. Acknowledge your feelings and move forward.
In our family, this change meant focusing on homeschooling one kiddo, navigating public school with another, and raising responsible humans in a more authentic way. Not saying you cannot do this and work. For me, I always felt I wasn’t being the mom I wanted to be. I was edgy and distracted. One year post-full-time job, it feels miles away.
Girl, You Got This
I know giving up your career is hard. Not being an active financial contributor feels bizarre still today. Relish in the fact that when you became a family, it wasn’t based on money. It was based on love, hopes, and dreams. Recall your best kid memories with your parents. If I had to bet, it has nothing to do with a title or a paycheck.
Whether you are working outside the home, a full-time SAHM, part-timing it, or some other combination, do your best. Love your kids to your fullest. Teach them values and kindness. As they say, it takes a village. We’d all be lost without ours.
