Merry Christmas – from a former depressed single mother in Cincinnati!
I spent the first Christmas after my divorce in 2021 in utter despair. Not only was I newly divorced, but I had to split time with my kids with their father. How would I make it through this?
The Christmas season was a blur, drowned out by my relentless depression.
I didn’t have a tree, nor could I fit one in my tiny apartment. Any decorations I had were now being used in the old house I used to live in. The sound of Christmas music made me physically ill. The hustle and bustle of the season exhausted me. How was I going to give my kids a memorable Christmas when I could barely get out of bed?
With Christmas approaching, I felt the pressure to at least put lights around the guardrail outside. I also put lights on one of my plants. I shopped via pickup order at Target and wrapped the gifts as best I could. All of this took me longer than it should have because I could barely do it without bursting into tears and laying back down in bed.
I had the kids the night before Christmas Eve into Christmas Eve day and I somehow got through it without crying. The kids were so excited for their presents, they didn’t seem to notice how sad my decorating and wrapping had been. They immediately wanted to play with their toys, and I worked hard to get all the batteries in and ready to go. For a moment in time, I forgot how depressed I was. My kids were here and they were happy.
I took them back to their father’s house later that day, and I wept.
This would be the first time in their little lives they would wake up Christmas morning without their mommy. They would be fine – but would I?
Luckily, I got through it with help from my friends and family. I was invited for Christmas Day to my ex’s family’s house, so I got to see the kids for a while. I spent a little time with friends in the afternoon and then retreated to my apartment that evening. I had a lot of fear to be alone on Christmas night, but I somehow managed to get through it without becoming severely depressed. The stillness of the evening actually allowed me to think of how grateful I was to be able to spend time with my children at all when there are other mothers out there who cannot be with their children over the Christmas season for different reasons.
Indeed, the holidays can be difficult sometimes. We never know what someone is dealing with, let alone over the holiday season. Invite that person who seems lonely to your Christmas celebration. Ask your friends how they are really doing. Seek out someone who is a single parent and ask how you can support them. It is the little things that really make a difference during the holidays – so be kind to others and know that it is OK not to be OK during the Christmas season. I made it through one of the hardest Christmases of my life and if I can do it – you can, too.
