The Existential Crisis That is Parenthood

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Sometimes parenthood feels like a constant state of conflicting emotions; or, at least it does for me.

There are days when I feel like myself: I’m getting things done, I see friends, I have alone time. Then there are days where I feel like a weird blob that exists only for the needs and amusement of a tiny human. My tiny human, who only needs me in that way.

Does anyone else ever feel this way?

It’s as though I have glimpses of who I was before I became a caretaker, chef, taxi-driver, emotional support person, and – let’s be real, walking milk jug – to another tiny human being. Those brief moments where I remember that I like to read books, and spend time alone in the bathtub, and have a master’s degree that provides for me the skills to lead a whole organization and not just a house that is devastated on a daily basis by a toddler.

By that same token, however, I also see this amazing new world open up to me when I look into my child’s face.

It’s as though my life started the moment I became her parent; everything before then was a prelude. So much of who I am now is defined and created by the fact that I am a parent; the activities I like, the people I spend time with, the organizations I support all reflect my new state.

So there lies the problem; on one hand, I feel lost inside of parenthood, while at the same time, I feel like it has created me and is the foundation of my personality.

Thus the existential crisis; do I exist as a person, or as a parent? Can they coexist? Can I be both myself and a parent, while maintaining a sense of self?

 

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Emily Swegert
Emily was born in Cincinnati but transplanted to rural Michigan as a toddler with her parents. She moved back while in high school and has been here since. She met her husband, Eric, while completing her undergrad in education at Miami University. Two master's degrees, a house, and a dog later, they decided to expand their family. Their daughter Piper was born in April 2017. Emily spent 18 months as a stay-at-home-mom before taking a GIANT leap and becoming a doula. Shortly thereafter, she was approached by the owner of a local agency about taking over the business. She now works from home running Tender Beginnings while sharing adventures with her daughter.

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