As the holidays approach many of us start to think of the foods that bring back wonderful memories or look forward to creating a wonderful holiday feast for our family. But for those of us with a picky eater in the family, this can be cause for concern.
I fondly remember all the great food I would have at the holiday table with my family: my mother’s homemade cinnamon rolls, my grandma’s famous noodle casserole with homemade noodles, and various cookies and fudge produced by loved ones. I wanted to share all of this with my children.
As I excitedly dressed my children in matching sweaters for Christmas and took them to family parties looking forward to the food and memories I would get to share, I realized that my youngest son was not into the excitement around food. I knew he was a picky eater, but I could see that the holiday buffet that brought me so much joy brought him anxiety and fear. While my holiday plate was filled with fruits, vegetable sides, savory meat dishes, and holiday treats, his had a roll and a cookie.
When your kid walks away from the holiday table with barely anything on his plate, you feel the stares and thoughts of others, whether they are real or not and, in my case, I could hear them all saying, “Isn’t she a dietitian, why is she letting her kid eat like that?”
I was not “letting” my kid eat that way. I wanted him to eat differently, but in the situation of a holiday party where a child feels overwhelmed and excited about all the activity, it is not the time to have a battle about food.
I am not the only parent who has felt stress by having a child who is a bit selective at the dinner table. Holiday parties can increase the stress for both the parent and the child. The following are some tips I have learned over the years to help decrease the stress for both myself and my child and thought I would share:
- Practice the Parents Role in Feeding – Remember what your job is as a parent when it comes to food. It is your job to plan and provide the food, but it is your child’s job to decide what they will eat and how much they will eat. You can read more about this from dietitian Ellyn Satter.
- Bring a food item to share that your child is comfortable with – To help fulfill your job with feeding your child, plan to make food for family gatherings that your picky eater is comfortable with. If he or she likes ham sandwiches, offer to make ham and cheese sliders, or if your child loves fruit, offer to take a fruit tray with yogurt dip.
- Involve the child – Involve your child in preparing the food that you are taking to the party.
- Prepare your child for the party – Talk with your child prior to the holiday gathering. Discuss how it makes them feel to be around a lot of new food and if they are old enough, talk about ways they can improve the situation. One suggestion is to have your child think of 3 different foods they can put on their plate.
- Plan your meals leading up to the gathering – Offer well-balanced meals leading up to the party. If it is an evening party offer a breakfast and lunch of mostly preferred foods and include fruits and vegetables, so you have the peace of mind that they have eaten 2 good meals that day.
- Discuss this with your family – Inform friends and relatives of your child’s anxiety around food and let them know how you are handling it and how they can support you. If you have decided to let your child choose what they want for the meal and you are going to accept their choices because you have decided to not spend the evening fighting about food, let your family know that.
- Reframe your thoughts on picky eating – Shift the conversation to the positive attributes your child has if someone wants to discuss his picky eating. You can use a statement like, “We are working through his selective eating habits. Overall, he is very careful to make choices about everything in life, which is helpful when he is trying to make important decisions like choosing new friends.” Turn what others see as a negative into a positive trait in another area of life.
My hope is these tips will help you have a joyful holiday season whether there is a picky eater in your life or in the life of someone you love. The holiday season should be about being together with family not fighting about food. For more ideas on supporting the family of a picky eater, click here.
