Playing Favorites

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FavoritesI don’t have a favorite child. I love both of my girls with the same intensity. True, I love and cherish different things about them and they both complete my life in a unique way that is all her own… but I certainly don’t have a favorite.

Other people though… strangers… people who shouldn’t even really matter… they do seem to have a favorite. And it breaks my heart.

Let me tell you a little bit about Nora. She is sweet and sensitive. She is loving and accepting. She sees beauty and joy in just about everything. She is a gift. Truly and seriously, a gift. But, until people spend some time getting to know her, they look right through her… or past her… to her younger sister.

I also feel pretty strongly that Meredith is a gift, but in different ways. She is passionate and spunky. She is a hilarious and imaginative. I could go on and on about all of the amazing traits I see in my children… but I will spare you that because that isn’t the story I am telling here.

The story I am telling is the one in which the people we encounter out in the world seem drawn to and fascinated by my youngest daughter, often inadvertently, at the expense of my oldest. She doesn’t seem to realize it too much – yet – but my heart hurts to know that it’s only a matter of time. During a recent outing, I could tell she was beginning to notice this and my heart has never felt such pain.

A few years ago, my family was out at a restaurant for dinner when a stranger came up and handed us a $100 bill to put towards Meredith’s education. He went on and on about how adorable she was and how engaging. He gushed over her. He told us she would do great things in life. All while, Nora was across the table coloring quietly. No one gave Nora $100. No one told us how amazing she was. And while it is certainly flattering to hear great things about any of your children… my heart was screaming. “HEY YOU! Do you see that other equally amazing child over there! What about her?”

Fast forward to last week. I took my girls to Lumenocity and we started the evening off by getting their faces painted. They got the same design… however when they were done, the lady couldn’t stop commenting on Meredith and how great she looked. She said things like, “you are going to have trouble with that one” and even took her picture, asking if she could put it on her website. Then as we walked around, we continued to get a lot of the following:

“Your face is beautiful. You are so pretty.” All directed at Meredith. And occasionally, though not consistently, there would be a follow up “Yours is nice too.” And that was usually only after poor Nora inserted herself into the picture where they couldn’t not see her.

The thing here is that I think she sort of picked up on it this time… she was registering all the praise her sister got and feeling a little squashed when she was overlooked. I just wanted to scream.

Meredith’s blonde hair, blue eyes and little pixie personality command attention. I hope beyond all hopes that I can teach her as she grows that she is more than just pretty (and to use her powers for good.)

I also hope that I can help Nora realize her value, even when strangers don’t. More than anything I want to tell her:

“You don’t have to try so hard, you are amazing without even trying.”

“Even if others don’t seem to see you all the time, I see you… and I am so proud.”

“You will do great things in this world without even trying.”

“You are amazing. In more ways that I could ever fully list.”

“Your sweetness is a gift that people don’t realize right away. But, those who pay enough attention to catch a glimpse of it, are incredibly lucky. And will be your friends for life.”

As our evening at Lumenocity continued on, we eventually found our seats for the light show. Sweet Nora, as she often does, immediately engaged the woman behind and beside her in conversation. As the show went on, I witnessed these women watching her experiencing the lights and smiling, as I was, to see the content and awe struck smile she had on her face about what she was seeing. I listened to them ask her questions about her life and pull out their phones to show her pictures of their families during intermission. And at the end, I watched Nora run back and hug them goodbye and saw the emotion on their faces as they hugged her back.

These women… they really saw Nora, and fell in love. They saw her kind, smart, accepting heart. They saw her for what I know she is.

A gift.

3 COMMENTS

  1. I am the middle child of three girls. I was the Nora of my sisters. Growing up strangers would flock to them, telling them how beautiful and skinny they were and that they should be models. So naturally I thought I must be ugly and fat. I wasn’t fat I was just built curvy. My mom noticed at age 13/14 when I started dressing and acting differently (in a negative way) that something was wrong. She felt horrible and did everything she could to make up the attention. It wasn’t until after high school I finally saw me, separate from my sisters and so did strangers. The journey had many challenges and I had to hit a low to reach the high where I am now. But because of my mom, strangers, and my own acceptance of myself, I am the strong, confident woman I am today. Sure, sometimes it still happens with my younger sister and it does hurt a little inside because it takes me back but I don’t let it get to me. And ironically, I have just started MY journey to becoming a model.

  2. Wow, talk about deja vu! My oldest girls are 4 years apart and this was how life was for a while. Even with some relatives. I wasn’t mature enough to keep my mouth shut sometimes and when someone lavished praises on my younger girl I would almost immediately add “Yes her sister is adorable too!”

  3. Aww. I was the Meredith and my sister was the Nora. Now, I see the roles reversed with her daughter, Sage, and my daughter Adeline and it’s opened my eyes. Sage is an attention magnet! Just effervescent. My Adeline is quite shy of strangers. It’s sometimes heartbreaking to see our family interact with them both. You sound like a great mother!

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