Pros and Con(fusion)s of the Queen City: An Outsider’s Perspective

After four months in the Queen City, I have come to some realizations. But there are still a few things that utterly confuse me. Here is my list of Pros and Con(fusion)s:

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1. Locally Sourced: Cincinnati has really taken this local movement to a new level. From the food at most restaurants to the chandelier at Boca, to the barn walls at Sotto, to the refurbished and reimagined antique stores in OTR, there is something Ohio or Kentucky for everyone. I mean, Kentucky caviar? Really? Who knew?

2. Manageable: My go-to word to describe Cincinnati. Everything is 15-20 minutes away, and parking is a snap. I am amazed when people say they don’t go somewhere very often because it’s 20 minutes away. It takes about two hours to get from one end of NYC to the other via car. 20 minutes is a blessing!

3. Friendly: I can’t go anywhere without finding myself in a fascinating conversation with a complete and utter stranger. The best part is, the conversations are all positive, upbeat, and not at all creepy. No catcalling or rude comments. I’ve spoken to retirees at the grocery store, moms at music class, numerous super sweet homeless people, a jogger at the park, nannies at story time, waiters and waitresses at restaurants… Everyone starts a conversation here. And because people are genuinely nice.

4. City Feel: I was afraid that Cincinnati would be too small. I would get bored quickly. But there are so many festivals, events, and opportunities, that I think even for someone who is nonstop go-go-go like myself, I will always be able to find something new to do. Plus, I love history. It was my favorite subject in school. I love that Cincinnati is more rehab than construction. I love the architecture, the arts movement, the heritage… I feel like I came to Cincinnati at an amazing time and I truly think this is going to be an amazing city.

5.  Split Checks: This is probably the most amazing thing about this city. I cannot believe the restaurants do this. You can go with a group of ten people, and each person can receive an individual check. This does not happen in most cities! Here, they offer it! You don’t even have to ask most places! So thank you Cincinnati restaurants for accepting what I can only imagine are ridiculous credit card fees for my check paying convenience.

1. Cincinnati?: Everyone lives in Cincinnati. Even Zillow says so. But, really, it’s not Cincinnati. Where are the boundaries? Why does Anderson Township say it’s Cincinnati when it’s not? Where is this “West Side?” Why would Norwood and St. Bernard opt out? My GPS is just as confused as I am.

2. Taxes: Where I come from, city taxes are cheaper than suburban taxes. But taxes around here are bizarre. One house could be hundreds more than its neighbor, even if the houses are pretty similar. Then, there are X’s on the sidewalk because homeowners are responsible for sidewalks cracked by city-planted trees? How does this make sense?

3. The Reds: Don’t get me wrong, I love a good baseball town. But I have a few questions for you: 1. How does a team claim to be the first professional baseball team when a baseball game involves TWO teams? (Yes, I’ve heard the arguments. But I still think this doesn’t make sense.) 2. Furthermore, the first mascot in baseball was Mr. Met. Mr. Redlegs looks an awful lot like Mr. Met except with a mustache. Did you really think you’d get away with that? And Gapper, I’m pretty sure you are the Phillie Phantatic who fell in a vat of cherry Kool Aid. Just saying.

4. Snow: Cincinnati, it will snow here. Maybe not multiple feet, but perhaps multiple inches. Please salt the streets and then plow in the morning. The city is all hills. Plowing is necessary. And if you are lucky enough to own a home, please consider purchasing a shovel and shoveling your sidewalk. Again, you can salt before the snow, shovel, and salt again. Thanks.

5. Cincinnati Food:
A. Pizza: Good grief, Cincinnati, it’s 2015. Why does the vast majority of your pizza taste like Papa John’s? Friday night pizza night is ruined for me. My recommendation for best pizza in the city: A Tavola. But it’s not the same as Friday Night Pizza.

B. Chili: Ok, you can have your mounds of cheese and your cinnamon/clove chili. But it’s not chili. It doesn’t come in a bowl. It’s more like Midwestern Bolognese sauce.

C. Graeter’s: Well, one out of three isn’t too shabby.