I never thought about how I’d raise my kids. All I thought about was having children.
But now that I have a daughter and a son, all I seem to be thinking about is what kind of people they are going to be and what experiences will they go through. I want to make sure that my children become the best humans they can be while maintaining self-respect throughout the different stages in life. I also want to do my best to give them tools to avoid being part of or taking part in anything that would be degrading to themselves or anyone else.
There are so many #metoo experiences, but how do I teach my children to avoid the #metoo experience? Is this even possible? Thinking back to my different experiences that would fall under the #metoo, I don’t know how I could have avoided them, stood up for myself more, or changed anything because I froze, and many times just went with it because I couldn’t say no. My most recent experience was being visually raped at a friend’s wedding – and all I did was freeze and pretend that it wasn’t happening. I don’t want my daughter or son to ever experience what I have.
Here are some ways to raise your young ladies with confidence and give them a voice:
- Encourage them to think and analyze
- Let them speak up and voice themselves
- Don’t force them to hug or kiss anyone
- Teach them to respect their body and others’ bodies
- Avoid negotiating things for affection (“If you give me a hug/kiss, I’ll give you XZY”)
- Tell them you love them and appreciate them
- When they struggle with something, help them by guiding them or just by being by their side cheering them on as they try, try, and try again until they get it.
- Put them through a self-defense class
- Talk to them about sex – what’s appropriate and what’s not
- Let them do more things on their own to help them with independence and confidence
- Remind them daily that they are wonderfully made
- Don’t allow other adults to talk to them in a condescending manner or tone
- Have them stand tall with their shoulders back and head up
- Respect them when they say no and remind them that saying no is ok
- Teach them that it’s ok to agree to disagree
Here are some ways to raise young gentlemen with confidence and give them a voice:
- Encourage them to think and analyze
- Let them speak up and voice themselves
- Don’t force them to hug or kiss anyone
- Teach them to respect their body and others’ bodies
- Avoid negotiating things for affection (“If you give me a hug/kiss, I’ll give you XZY”)
- Tell them you love them and appreciate them
- When they struggle with something, help them by guiding them or just by being by their side cheering them on as they try, try, and try again until they get it.
- Put them through a self-defense class
- Talk to them about sex – what’s appropriate and what’s not
- Let them do more things on their own to help them with independence and confidence
- Remind them daily that they are wonderfully made
- Don’t allow other adults to talk to them in a condescending manner or tone
- Have them stand tall with their shoulders back and head up
- Respect them when they say no and remind them that saying no is ok
- Teach them that it’s ok to agree to disagree
It’s no mistake that you just read the same list of things twice! Love, respect, confidence, and voice are not gender-specific. They are equally important to have for both girls and boys. If you teach your child to be respectful, to love themselves, to be confident, to be loving, to speak up and stand up for what’s right, then you will have a human being who will do right.
He or she will be able to stand up for what’s right regardless of what others say or think. They will not be misguided by peer pressure, trying to fit in, or allowing themselves to go through with something so that someone can keep liking them. Nor will they feel embarrassed to confront a situation or a person who is doing wrong. They will not freeze when they are being violated or disrespected.
Instead, they will know how to handle the situation in a classy professional manner that will leave the other party feeling embarrassed and like scum. They will also know how to stop someone if they are being condescending in any which way and avoid being manipulated.
We don’t just have sons and daughters. We have young ladies and gentlemen. We have to raise our boys to respect girls and our girls to respect boys and our children to respect themselves.
