Every few months I find myself searching. Researching jobs, applying, reaching out to employers. If I had a job, then you would think my work ethic is unstable. You’d think I can’t hold a job, but the reality of the matter is… I have a position that I’ve held for too long; SAHM (stay-at-home mother).
I hear other mothers talk about all the things they can do while being a mother of a young child. Some work part-time, some volunteer, some work from home… over the past 5 years, I’ve tried it all. There isn’t a single morning shift, at-home career, or late-night job I didn’t take a swing at full-force.
I observed a pattern in doing so, though. Eagerly I’d start a new position; keeping the kids’ schedule in mind. I’d daydream of the avenues and possibilities I could reach by being out of the house. The interactions and help I could share. I’d give the new job my all, but something began to feel wrong. It was all of my creativity, all of my heart, all of my energy… gone. It’d peak during my shifts then drain me before I’d return home. I’d sleep more, the kids were fighting more, they were constantly in front of the TV, our dynamics and moods were completely altered. The kids became my second job instead of my first priority.
You see, I had my children close in age for one purpose… to stay home with them both and grant them an equal opportunity before I re-enter the workforce. I knew there was no turning back once I find a career I wanted to pursue. So this is where this counter-productive cycle in my unhealthy nature of feeding to my ambitions starts to really show. I simply can not do it all, and that is okay.
Stuck in this phase of life, though, it feels entrapping.
It’s my final 1-2 years of being a SAHM. One goes to school half-time this fall and the other goes the following year. You think this would free me up to work more, but the fact of the matter is… it just added one more thing to my long list of hats I wear. I am going from being my daughter’s only teacher to now being her chauffeur and part-time teacher.
The time alone with my son in the mornings is to be spent teaching him kindergarten readiness skills and then in the afternoon, we’ll be able to explore the world as a family diving into basic life skills. I can’t squeeze 8 hours of my day out of this, or even part-time of 4-5 hours, without taking away from my children’s needs or my own sleep at the end of the day.
These walls of my home seem like a prison some days. It’s hard to explain it to someone who isn’t in this situation because they use phrases like “Man, I wish I had so much free time” or “Just take it in now, because when you’re back to work…” My time isn’t free. I’m not workless. I’m doing the hardest job alone and the isolation is taking me under half the time. I wish I had a position that switched up my environment. I wish I got a mandated 15-minute break and 30-minute lunch. I wish I got coworkers to teamwork through things and an opportunity for advancements.
This ladder climbing, ambitious, career-driven woman is working around the clock 24/7 on being a SAHM until the kids no longer need me.
It takes a lot of strength to do this, but it’s worth it. My children would not be who they are today without the every day experiences we’ve shared. They need this just a bit longer and I have to pull through. So playdates need to happen; other SAHMs are the coworkers and soldiers in the trenches alongside me. Playdates also tend to switch up the environment from your own prison of a house to someone else’s. This doesn’t sound like a lot, but it can mean the difference between feeling like a failure and staring at your own pile of chores to commiserating with someone and not feeling alone in the struggle.
Also, getting fresh air helps. Go to the park you don’t know or the restaurant you’ve never tried before; make life an adventure in your own means. Do it with the kids to introduce them to new things or even reach out to a sitter and make time for your mandated breaks. You deserve it.
Just last week, my husband watched the kids and I took myself for a date (dressing up, movies, dinner out, the whole shebang). It was the most magical night that I didn’t know I needed. No one to ask anything of me. Chances to focus on my own wants and needs. I found myself listening to music and eating things I haven’t had since I was a teenager. I returned feeling rejuvenated and more myself than I’ve felt in months. You deserve to, too.
Lastly that opportunity for advancement, it’s internal. This is the largest span of your child’s life at home they will ever spend. This is the chance for you to be attuned into the type of person they are as they develop their individual personality, thoughts, and goals. It’s going to be subtle, it’s going to crazy at times, but no one will ever know your child like you do. And trust me… with the 43,800+ hours you’ve invested in this position before they enter kindergarten, no one will ever know you as much as your own children. This bond is something you both deserve.
So if you’re like me and debating on resigning from being a SAHM, remember how the individual benefits outweigh the financial cut. It’s the position that will impact indirectly for years; it just doesn’t feel that way at first.
