There is a disassociation between my social media profiles and in-person self.
When I post on social media, I don’t feel this way. Each picture I send over or carefully crafted status is something that represents those moments in time for me. A snapshot of the day. Yet others consume the information I post and take it for the full 24 hours. With that, there are many deep details that people miss out on. How did we get to the point as a society where only a few seconds define our entire beings?
This disconnect always becomes abundantly clear in-person. I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve gone to celebrations for others or even just bumping into someone while I pick up coffee and I hear the words, “You are so lucky!” or “You have the perfect family!” Followed by “I saw your picture on Facebook” or “I’ve been following you on Instagram.”
I am not the only person that feels this double-life based on the social media presence vs. personal struggles. Cincinnati Moms Blog is a collection of the most honest mothers I have ever known. Their entire approach to social media is open honesty to help others, which is one of the many reasons I fell in love with this team of woman. So when I approached the team about my feelings of these lies I feel my social media is creating, I was shocked to find out that so many felt the same way and for all different reasons.
“As an entrepreneur, people always say that I’m so successful, but my social media doesn’t really give light to the long nights or the struggle to come up with content. The rises and falls are never shown.”
“People always say ‘Your kids always look so happy.’ I do value happiness, but it’s not the total goal. I posted a picture of my kids right after my grandma passed away and it was a pretty traumatic way she passed. All I could think is, man… my kids have a lot of grief in their hearts and happiness is really about just making choices to keep on going in life. Smiling children need grace, too.”
“I have struggled with anxiety and depression since high school and that has rarely been mentioned on my social media account. Most people in my life know about it, but there have been plenty of pictures posted to social media of me in some pretty dark times.”
“I spent the first 3 months of my pregnancy unemployed and in a pit of anxiety and depression. I felt like I had to put on a face of being over the moon excited about my pregnancy, which I was, but right alongside those feelings, and usually louder, were my darker thoughts.”
“My husband and I have been struggling with our marriage for the past two years. As life progresses, we continue to take pictures together because we are still experiencing life together, but everyone takes our friendship and smiles captured as a madly-in-love couple. When in all actuality, it’s almost as if we are just too timid to pull the plug. Comments about our happiness don’t help.”
“I post congratulations on everyone’s pregnancy or birth announcements, but I’m literally crying on the outside every time I see one and asking why it’s so easy for some people and not for me. My husband and I have been trying a long time for a second baby and it’s just not happening. Honestly, I have feelings of anger, jealousy as well as guilt whenever I see a pregnancy or birth announcement.”
“People think that my hubby and I are a “team” when in fact I’m the one doing everything… I’m the one carrying the family financially. I’m the one doing all the housework. Once in a blue moon, he helps and I might laud him on Facebook blah blah but inside (and outside), I’m breaking down.”
For privacy purposes, I have not included anything too personal and didn’t state whose confessions were whose, but you can tell that social media has a social construct that truly prevents some from connecting in a personal matter. I’m not writing this as an anti-social media post (how else would you get the wonderful content from blogs like us?). I’m writing this to hopefully raise awareness and encourage you to personally ask questions based on the person you see in front of you and not the screen you scrolled through in your free time.
We all know how great of a resource the internet can be, but even this blogger needs a hug from a friend who just understands that a smile can sometimes just be the strength through the struggle.
