The Hardest Part of Parenting

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Discipline_1Mom Lesson #147: Discipline is the hardest part of parenting, and when done well, it reaps the greatest reward.

To be clear, I’m no expert.  I have a three year old and a one year old,so I’m expert at making peanut butter and jelly, but that’s about it.  However, I realized pretty quickly (after three days ending in tears) that if we didn’t get really intentional about discipline really fast, we would always be fighting an uphill battle with our kids.  So, as I do with any issue I’m facing, I became a student – of other parents and their kids and of books and research, but mostly of my own kiddos.  I wasn’t so much looking for what worked but WHY some things worked and others did not.

I’m far from finished with my research, but these are the three major things present when effective discipline is taking place:

1. Purpose: WHY you discipline is the foundation for how.  I’m learning that discipline is a short-term investment in a long term goal.  Math was not my strong suit, but the numbers say that nearly 75% of my kids lives they will actually be completely responsible for themselves.  I have to remember that while he might look like a little boy, I am not raising him to stay that way.  When we realize that we’re playing the long game, the Armageddon that occurs in the check-out lane suddenly loses its grip on us.  We become more concerned with the long-term development of our kiddos character than our short-term discomfort or embarrassment.

The greatest tool we have for disciplining our kiddos is our relationship with them. 

2. Trust: Discipline thrives when children feel valued.  The greatest tool we have for disciplining our kiddos is our relationship with them.  As with adults, relationships do not appear out of thin air and good intentions – they are built.  My husband takes our boy out for breakfast once a month, just the two of them, and you would be amazed at what a three year old boy will share with a parent who sets aside time to listen.  We have found that the more our children trust us the easier it is for them to obey us.

3. Confidence: Discipline requires intention.  You see, I didn’t have a plan in place for how I was going to handle bloodcurdling screams, public tantrums and the like.  I hadn’t thought through how I would deal with those moments, thus I felt forced to decide in the moment – and it was not pretty.  So, my husband and I talked about it and came to an agreement about how we would (and wouldn’t) handle public (and private) discipline.  As my confidence about what to do increases, my fear and helplessness decrease, and I can respond to chaos with calm.

In my next post I’ll offer some practical applications about how we discipline.

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