The Rule of Four

Several years ago, faced with the impending birth of our fourth child, my husband and I realized we had outgrown our house. As we packed box after box in preparation for our move, we began to realize just how much stuff our kids had accumulated over their relatively short lifetimes. Add one more child and a few more years and we could probably over-populate our own island of unwanted toys. Something had to change.

While scrolling Pinterest one night, I came across a post regarding the Rule of Four for holiday gift giving. It was genius, and just the solution we were looking for. By providing categories for gifts while limiting the over all number given, we are able to control holiday spending, reduce the amount of unused clutter, and still have four very happy kids on Christmas morning.

According to the rule, each child receives the following:

Peace and quiet, brought to you by Target.

Something they want. This is by far their favorite one on the list. Our kids spend hours pouring over toy catalogs. Literally hours. By the time they are finished, 99% of what’s inside has been circled, underlined, and initialed by one or more of our children. Super fun for them (and a nice break for me!). When it comes to making their Christmas wish list, however, we encourage them to narrow it down. It’s good to have options in case something on there is just not going to happen (I’m looking at you, $100 walking talking unicorn), but by choosing just a few most wanted items, they are forced to think about their choices.

Something they need. This one is tricky. It’s difficult to get a child, especially a younger one, to distinguish between “want” and “need”. My 4 year old son insists that he needs more Legos. Lots more Legos. And more trucks. And two mini vans, one red one blue. I have explained countless times that he does not, in fact, need those things. That he does need a school bag for kindergarten, or a winter hat that doesn’t crush his skull. He’s not buying it. Obviously you might be on your own with this one. In the past, we’ve purchased an alarm clock, a set of sheets, and a new school binder. And last Christmas? Last Christmas they all got socks.

Clearly the boots were a HUGE disappointment.

Something to wear. Although it may sound kind of lame, this one can actually be quite fun. We try to make it something that we wouldn’t normally buy. A nice sweater and boots for our 10 year old. Funky leggings for our 6 year old. Character wear for our two youngest. Our kids have a lot of hand me downs, so to get a brand new outfit that was purchased just for them is truly a gift.

Something to read. I am mom to four bookworms. Our kids read constantly, even the two who can’t quite make out the words. Being a bit of a book nerd myself, this is by far my favorite category of the four. Often times we have more “read” ideas than anything else. Even if your kids don’t like to read or aren’t reading yet, there are plenty of options here. I-spy, puzzle books, crosswords, fun how to guides. Take a walk through a bookstore. You’ll be surprised what you can find.

Great idea.  Not always so easy to live by.  So how do we make this work?

Get your kids involved. Two years ago when we started following these guidelines, we told our children what we were doing. More importantly, we encouraged them to help. When they write their wish list, have them categorize each item. If there are holes in their list, give them ideas to fill them. Ultimately, though, leave the content up to them. You can always edit after the fact (bye bye mini vans).

Do a walk through. This has worked wonders for us. We try to take the kids to the store at least once leading up to the holidays and let them wander the toy aisles one by one. Why? It allows them to see everything that’s out there, not just those things that are deemed cool enough to make it into the catalog. It also allows us to gauge their reaction to the different items on their list, and helps us to make a better informed decision when it comes time to purchase.

Have a budget in mind. We used to use a set dollar amount per child rule. As our kids have gotten older, we have discovered a flaw in this system. What more than covers gifts for our youngest daughter doesn’t even come close for our oldest. Now we set an over all budget for the holiday, and make an effort not to over spend.

Make a list and stick to it. We write our list ahead of time and make sure it syncs with our budget before we hit the store. There is always going to be that thing you didn’t think about, but that would make the perfect gift for a little one in your life. But, if it’s not on the list, don’t buy it. Or swap it for something that did make it on. And if you can’t decide? Well, there’s always Santa, hero of indecisive parents everywhere. Rumor has it, this year he’s bringing a mini van.