Unconventional Childhood Milestones


MilestonesLast month, Hazel had about a two week period where she pooped ALL THE TIME. ON EVERYTHING. It didn’t matter if you had just changed her diaper. She pooped. And the poop found its way out of the diaper and onto her outfit and the carseat, jumper, swing, bumbo, playmat, or whatever else she was using at the time of the incident.  Sometimes, if we were really lucky, it also got on us. It was terrible.

As I changed her 80 millionth poopy outfit, it felt like there wasn’t a single article of clothing that she had not yet pooped all over. For someone who was just 4 months old, that was quite a feat. But you won’t find this milestone entry in your store-bought baby book. Nor are there any cute scrapbooking templates about your baby’s poop-monsoon. There are no bragging rights associated with a baby who is able to produce quadruple her weight in poopy diapers over the course of a day.

And that got me thinking- if I were to create a baby book of “unconventional” baby milestones, what would I include? Certainly the pooping over every outfit accomplishment, but probably also the first time my baby had a diaper blowout. Here are some other things I’d probably include:

1) First time peeing on mom/dad

2) First time peeing in the bathtub (especially if you had just finished filling the tub with fresh water)

3) First time pooping on mom/dad

4) First time spitting up all over mom/dad

5) First time biting during breastfeeding…inflicting immeasurable pain and actually drawing blood gets bonus points

6) First bad word (where did he learn that?!)

7) First mega meltdown

8) First deliberate, boldface lie (fortunately we’ve only had a few of these, but I remember that first one!)

What did I leave any out?

What non-hallmark milestones would you add to your unconventional baby book?


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