Sometime in the spring of 2019, my husband and I will be welcoming baby number three into our family. It’s an exciting time for us, as well as for the plethora of family, friends, and neighbors who want to meet our newest little person. It’s not our first rodeo, and we are definitely more laid back this time around. We are super excited to show him off, but we do have some basic advice for those wishing to hang with our baby friend during the newborn stage.
Things NOT to do when visiting a newborn
- Don’t come unless you are invited. My last childbirth consisted of 19 hours of labor, followed by an emergency Cesarean section, followed by another 24 hours of no sleep due to a newborn who refused to latch and/or take a bottle. The last thing on my mind was entertaining a slew of visitors – some of whom showed up unannounced and uninvited. Also, it goes without saying you should NEVER post pictures or info about a newborn on social media without getting parent permission first.
- The most important rule of all. DO NOT COME IF YOU ARE SICK. Newborns have little to no immune system. If you have any type of illness, please do not compromise an infant’s health. The world will not end if you have to wait a day or two to get your snuggle on, and it will be safer for everyone. Also, it goes without saying that everyone who comes in contact with the baby should be fully immunized (flu, T-DAP, etc.). Also, duh, wash your hands. You can’t be too careful when it comes to infants and germs.
- Don’t offer unsolicited advice. Nothing frosts my cookies more than someone who hasn’t had a baby in 30 years trying to tell me how to breastfeed, sleep train, or circumcise my baby. Sometimes even well-intentioned advice can be perceived as judgmental an and rude. A good rule of thumb is, if a new mama wants to know something, she will ask. As crazy as you think their rules might be, the new parents get to call the shots, and their wishes should always be met.
- Don’t be a baby hog. Remember, the new mama is just starting to get into a sleep, feed, change cycle with her new bundle and the newborn needs to bond with her (and Daddy) first. Make visits short and sweet. If you must come to the hospital, adhere to the maternity ward visiting hours. Remember, there will be plenty of time for visits and bonding once the new family is home and settled.
Things TO DO when visiting a newborn
- DO bring food, hand-me-downs, flowers, etc. Nothing about having a newborn is easy, but friends and family can lighten the load a bit by providing a casserole, chili, even a pizza. And very few new mamas will say no to a bottle of wine after nine long months of sobriety.
- DO offer to help out in any way you can. Maybe it’s holding the baby so Mama can shower. Maybe it’s running to the store for extra diapers, cleaning up the kitchen, or taking the dog for a walk. Every ounce of help is appreciated when one is running on no sleep. Not sure how to help? Ask.
- DO throw the big kids a bone. Older siblings tend to get lost in the shuffle during those first, hectic days with a new baby. Make sure to throw some kind words their way, maybe even spend a few minutes playing a game with them or just asking about their day. It won’t go unnoticed.
- DO be respectful of the stress the new parents may or may not be feeling. The baby belongs to them, and them only. Don’t like the name? Keep that to yourself. Think you know why the baby is crying? Now is not the time. Know a great trick for swaddling that worked for you? Let mom and dad figure that one out, too. Chances are, after a few weeks, even the most high maintenance parents will relax a little.
New babies are the best. The smell, the cuddles, the sweetness of new life and all its possibilities. Following these common-sense guidelines will help guarantee you a repeat visit and plenty more.
