Most nights I change out of my work clothes directly into my pajamas. My feet hurt, I am mentally exhausted, my sink is full of dishes, mostly with coffee cups and I lay down a scroll through Instagram or Facebook. Usually every few minutes one of my kiddos needs an extra hug, or a drink of water, or some philosophical advice. Once my kids and husband are all off to sleep, I usually get back up and load the dishwasher, or sign the field trip permission slip that I forgot about earlier in the evening.
Sometimes though, I do not get back up. I look at all the SAHMs who have done amazing homemade playdough crafts or made superhero forts. I look at all my working mom friends who manage to coach cheerleading or excel greatly in their career. And then I reflect on me. I am a working married mom who literally cannot exceed in anything.
I desperately want to be the mom that excels. I do not want to miss one school event or sporting event. I want to actually remember library book day every single week for every single kid. But I do not. I usually fall short in some area at least once a day.
I want to be the wife that makes breakfast for her husband and packs his lunch every day. I want to run 5k’s with my husband because that is something he enjoys. I want to have his work clothes pressed for him. But I do not. I hate running and I don’t even know how to iron.
I want to be the type of employee that people miss when I am not there. I want to be the type of employee who is efficient and impressive. I want to stand out, I want to use all of my knowledge to move forward. But I do not. I work hard but still not enough to move mountains.
A few weeks ago, I yelled at my kids. I am not a yeller. My mom asked me why I constantly overextend myself and I am always running here or there. I sat there thinking, I just want to have it all and make everyone happy. I am the novice clown juggling 3 balls but constantly dropping one. Each time I drop one, I feel awful. Why can’t I do it all?!
I see these other moms who have matching Etsy shirts for their kids first day of school, and spouses who make organic zucchini noodles with bechamel sauce for their lunch, and co-workers who are on a first name basis with the leaders of our company. Here I am, excited that I got all the needed school supplies and new shoes for each kiddo, I am throwing a frozen meal at my husband as he walks out the door for work and getting to work just in time to fall short there, too.
I try to laugh off some aspects of life and love the #momtruths. I know most of us fall short at some points in our life. Every year I vow I am going to be more organized, I am going to blow this working mom thing out of the water. I hate the feeling of not being good enough, but mostly that all comes from within.
Our friends and family know our home is always open, even if I haven’t vacuumed in a week you are still welcome to pop in at any time. My husband knows I love and support him, but realistically I am
never running a 5k. As for my career, my co-workers know they can ask me anything and I try to give it my all, even when they don’t say it, I think they like having me there.
As the new school year starts, I am going to give myself some grace. Life happens, everyone forgets their library book, or their lunch, but they don’t always post that on social media.
As long as everyone feels loved and happy each morning as they walk out the door, then everything else will fall into place.
Katelyn is the mom to two amazing kids and wife to Paul. Four furry friends (2 dogs, 2 cats) complete their family. She is also a pediatric nurse who loves to drink coffee! Katelyn was also featured in CMB’s Superhero Mom series, which you can read 
