To My Fellow “Worst Mom Evers”

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Perhaps you have a teenager or younger kiddo who is quick to anger and/or overly dramatic. They try your patience and they stretch your self-control (“I’m not going to yell, I’m not going to yell,” you may say to yourself). And then they say those words: “You’re the worst mom ever,” or maybe even the heart-piercing, “I hate you.”

In that moment, your child breaks your heart.

worst mom

Odds are, they will break it over and over again before they reach adulthood. Sometimes, it may not hurt as much; you’ve heard the words so often that they’re easily ignored.  Other times, it’s like the first time you’ve heard it – your chest tightens, tears prickle in your eyes and you’re momentarily speechless. Each time, you debate how you should react. Do you brush it off, just make a comment about using kind and respectful words?  Do you show your anger and frustration by sending them to their room? Do you allow yourself to show your hurt feelings? Do you respond with sarcasm, saying that yeah, you are the worst? 

Each option has its pros and cons, which usually depends on the situation. Except for that last one. In my experience, sarcasm with your kiddo never yields positive results and often leads to them developing their own sarcastic tone with you.

The causes of the cruel words your beloved child says (and undoubtedly does not mean) can range from having to stop playing on a phone/tablet/etc., to being told they have to do schoolwork, to their mean mom not buying them something new that they want. Think back to your own childhood and teen years. How often did you have poor word choices in response to your parents? I know I definitely said some awful things to my parents (especially my mom) when I was younger, words that I regretted the moment they left my lips. That’s likely how your child feels when they know they’ve hurt you.

This regret can lead to some real sweetness. Younger kids might suddenly want to give you a big hug and tell you they love you. Older kids might offer up an apology, which, despite the possibly begrudging manner it’s delivered in, can be genuine. In those moments, your heart feels like it could explode with love. And although you know that those terrible words will likely be mumbled, spoken or shouted at you again, all that matters is that you know your child loves you and that this bump in the road has passed.  

So, worst mamas, keep saying no, saying stop, holding your ground and doing what you know is right for your child’s individual needs. And please know that you are most assuredly not the worst – you’re being the best mom that you know how to be.

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