Dear Coaches and Parents of Young Athletes,
I am writing this as a fellow parent, not as a coach or as a former athlete, of which I am both.
Our kids are children. They have not even acquired the title of “teenager,” and the way some of our fellow parents and coaches are instructing them to play the game is appalling.
Last week, I went to a tournament and watched as refs called absolutely nothing. A kid was body-checked, flying across the field. Nothing. A goalie had the ball in-hand, and the other team charged her, kicking her. Not a peep. Another girl fell, ball nowhere in sight, and a kid on the other team kicked her twice in the side, leaving bruises the next day. No yellow card given.
With this, I take issue. These are not Olympic athletes or high-schoolers vying for a scholarship. These are youth. Most of these kids have barely entered puberty, and we are acting like this is for the gold and not some $5 trophy imported from China whose destiny lies in a shoebox with the others.
The final straw was when one girl went down, hard. This is a tough player… she doesn’t typically get hurt and generally plays the whole game. She was not moving much and the lifeguard-trainer in me started to wonder if she had some sort of spinal injury. It appeared as if she tried to get up and went straight back down. Every girl on our team took a knee as the parents watched.
See, our players take a knee whenever someone is hurt – our team or theirs. That is respect. That is sportsmanship. It is a game – the goal isn’t to injure the other team.
So, as our coach checked our player over, the other team took the opportunity to call a water break. Their girls ran off the field and got a drink as ours stayed on a knee, waiting on the downed player, hoping she was okay.
Listen – these athletes are young. They are learning from the adults in the room. Therefore, I am looking at you, coaches and at you, parents. The kids are learning from you.
I tell my child, “You take a knee.” I tell her, “You clap when the player walks off for respect to her. This is a person’s sister, best friend, child. We don’t want to see a person hurt.”
A few days later, I recalled the weekend to a friend. She told me how her daughter played for an elite team. They ended up switching teams for various reasons. When they played their previous team this season, not a single parent acknowledged them.
Guys. Come on. This is youth sports. What are we teaching our kids about decency? Empathy? Respect?
Athletes are meant to be examples – to hold themselves higher – to be role models. We aren’t heathens, intentionally taking each other out. We aren’t individuals who cheer another injury or worse, cause it and then leave to take a water break and never check-in to see if the player is okay.
Parents – demand better from your coaches. If they are leading your child like that, is that really the type of person you want your child to grow to be? One who is out for blood, who doesn’t care who she knocks down along the way, and turns a blind eye when another is injured?
Or do you want to raise a class act, a role model? The kind of person little kids look up to and their parents say, “She’s who you want to be like. On-field and off, this is the type of person you want to emulate.”
Because if it’s the latter and you are okay with the former, you won’t get there. An athlete is whole-person, not just a skill. Raise your child to be an athlete – not someone who is just good at a game.
