The midwest is known for being warm, friendly, and down to earth. At least I thought it was, and that was one of the reasons I was looking forward to moving to Cincinnati. I’ve lived a few other places before settling here so I was used to being “the new kid”. It’s tough to make friends when you are new to the area.
After I got pregnant, someone got me in touch with a few other local moms who were also expecting. It was a nice gesture. I slowly got to meet each of these ladies in person and it occurred to me that they were all part of a clique that was not intent on including me.
On social media, I would see this group of moms have playdates with their little ones or attend a moms night out. I took the snub personally. It hurts to be left out. I wished that just one of these ladies would have reached out to include me and my son to join in.
I’ve had my fair share of experiences with cliques.
Most of them took place in middle school. These moms leaving me out flashed me back to that time in my life. Those old feelings that had been absent for so long bubbled right up again. I felt like that awkward 13-year-old. I’m an introvert and usually fall into the “quality over quantity” department when it comes to friends, however, I’d like to believe I’m open to bringing someone new into my life and integrating them into my social circle.
As I got to know more and more moms in the area, I realized my experience was not unique. A lot of my fellow new-to-Cincy moms, or even some Cincy natives, told me that this town is hard to break into. Social circles, especially the ones that are filled with people born and raised in the area, are not apt to bring in newbies.
So, I’m shaking it off. These women are not bad people. I’m glad they have a village of moms to thrive with. It’s not their obligation to include me if I’m not their cup of tea or if they are just oblivious to the idea that it’s nice to welcome a new person.
It took a little time, but I have developed some great friendships in my three years of living here. I don’t have a clique. I don’t want one. I’m always on the hunt for more dynamic and wonderful people to be a part of my life.
If you find yourself in a comfortable social mom group, I suggest that once in a while take a step back and look around. Reach out to a new mom you’ve met. I know it’s the real world and we’re not obligated to be friends with every person we encounter, but you never know.
Both of you might benefit from a new friendship.
Great article! I have felt the same and also fall into the same “quality vs quantity”. I was the floater in school and still am. I have never had a clique and still do not. I am still hurt when i’m left out from events and know some people that were invited and I was left out. Everyone seems to love having me around when i’m around, but i’m always the after thought. Never the “oh you gotta invite Pam!” at the front of the list, but more like “…ya…why don’t you join us Pam, we’ll be there in like an hour. Looking forward to seeing you there”
As a mom…you’d think it’d stop, but it’s the same and doesn’t go away. So I just focus on my littles, my my home, and my business. I’m always open to play dates and doing things with people. I believe our paths cross for a reason – whether for that moment or more. Only God knows.
Thanks for writing this piece!
Thanks so much for your comment. I was the floater in school too! I agree with what you said, just focus on the good things and the relationships will come!
Having moved to Cincy last fall, with school-age children and not being in the workforce …. I can SO relate to what you’ve written! Good to know i’ll make some friends in due time, but while the entire move has been amazing for our family on many levels, this lack-of friendship part for me personally has been the hardest. I lived in my hometown for over 40 years, so this is tricky to adapt to. Thanks for writing this blog so I know it’s “not just me.”
Thanks so much for your comment. It definitely took some time but the friends I have made have been worth the wait. Good luck and welcome to Cincy!
Thanks <3 🙂