This past Sunday was the absolute epitome of a mom FAIL. We had the day together as a family, which is quite rare for us in this two job, three boy world of mine. I really try to make these days stand out and to shine. They start off with me announcing to everyone, “Let’s do something FANTASTIC!” I certainly learned the hard way that I was making it hard for anyone to have the fun I wanted them to have. My super high, emotional expectations of a family day just seemed, over and over, to get in the way. I just didn’t seem to get it… just let the fun unfold, don’t force it, or it may just go poof and be lost. And, boy, did it go POOF this day. Let me set the stage. 
Problem #1
As I have said, I feel a strong need to make this family day work out perfectly….WHAAAAT?!? We have five different people in this family with five different agendas, wants, and needs. The statistical likelihood of all of that getting on the same page in one day is a bit unlikely. Who am I kidding, maybe impossible…Not a chance.
So, here it all started. I was completely exhausted from working the two jobs all week long. But I had PLANNED. I picked out the place, GPS’d the address. The announcement was made the night before. We are going on a DAY TRIP!!! I had found a wonderful, new, family adventure we could embark upon. I planned the food, packed the cooler, the sunscreen, towels, bug spray, charcoal, etc. I even cooked a huge brunch before we went so that we can set off with full bellies, no hangries.
Problem #2
So maybe I didn’t quite realize it was a two hour drive, but, hey, let’s go…it’s an adventure and we are packed and ready. Van is loaded. GPS is entered, let’s go. It’s going to be GREAT!
Problem #3
I get fixated immediately on where everyone will sit in the minivan. I rearrange each kid so I can sleep in the back on the way there (did I mention how tired I was?). I get the two youngest in middle row so they can watch a movie on the DVD screen….lots of grumbling but away we go.
We arrive! It is spectacularly cool and we are so excited as we pull into the entrance. My husband rolls down the window and the attendant greets us, “Cash only please.” WHAAATT?!?! Are you kidding me? The closest ATM is a town away and, it just so happens, that that one is out of order. Instant stress for all of us. Luckily my husband offers to drive to the next town over while we get out, use the restrooms, sign the waivers, and get a look at the place.
Hubbie arrives 30 minutes later with cash – not bad, let’s get started (again). We pay and we are all finally in the water.
Problem #4
Everyone seems to be mad at me. I can feel their anger, all except the youngest. My two teens are quite sassy and being rude. Then when we have a short, but heated verbal argument and they stomp off together. My husband is sitting on the dock but won’t get into the water. He has had it with my forcing my expectations onto this day already. POOF! But wait, we are all in the middle of a water park on a sunny Sunday afternoon and no one will get into the water??!! Except for my youngest who is already in heaven. So frustrating to see it unraveling before my well-intentioned eyes.
After my teens managed to accuse me of “always trying to micromanage everything, as usual,” I realize that we all need a break from each other. But, Ouch! That complaint hurt and I didn’t feel like it was fair. How is emotionally controlling every little detail of the day considered “micromanaging?” Herein lies the problem…so, I head back to the van and have a mini-pity-party for a bit.
Problem #5
I start drinking some wine to calm down my nerves at the car. The exhaustion of the 2 job, 3 boy life comes crashing down around me. Luckily, I gather myself together after a good cry and head back to the water. The family manages some water-time together and they really, really end up loving the place. Having a break from my high expectations for the day allowed them to all relax, get in the water, and start having the fun I so wanted when I had made all of these plans. We head home and the three boys and I get another car-nap in.
After a day or so of licking my mom wounds, I have a minute to think about what went wrong yesterday. Because it did go so wrong. My best-laid plans went kablooey, literally blew up in my face. I really had the very best of intentions though. That’s what makes these days so sad for me when they hit the skids, as they often do, for one reason or another. Sigh….
So tomorrow is another day. As Mr. Roger’s always said, “We can only try tomorrow to be better than we were today.” Still, it breaks my heart when these days don’t work out. The best-laid plans just enormously hit the rocks. And I was able to see for a brief slice of time, that I was the problem and not them. At least we are still trying and we almost always stumble across that mystical good family mojo in the most unsuspecting of moments.
Planning is a good thing but huge expectations may be just one thing I have to learn to not put on the all-important, planning, to do list.
