Last year, I came out. I had been in a 10-year marriage to a man and I had decided it didn’t work out because I was bisexual and I felt unseen. Without having any experience with women before I was married, I was curious to see what life would look like if my person was a woman.
Fast forward to today, and I am again in a relationship with a man. This one, I believe, is my end game. How do I remain seen or feel seen in the LGBTQIA+ community? And why does that matter?
Imagine growing up feeling a certain way about yourself but closeting it for fear that the truth could ruin you.
I had the house, the white picket fence, the kids, the husband… but yet my insides were screaming. I was living other people’s versions of myself for so long and I could feel myself stuffing my truth down lower and lower each day. It was exhausting.
After the split in my marriage, I had never felt so free. I had kept the secret for so long that my truth burst out of me like a volcano. I wanted to scream to the hilltops that I was bisexual but I no longer had to hide it.
After dating both men and women, I found myself stuffing my bisexuality back into the closet when in relationships with men. For some reason, it made me feel more loyal to him and I wanted to prove that I wouldn’t leave him for a woman. However, the opposite happened with women. I felt more authentic, like I was living my truth. I think it also helped me justify my divorce in that we separated due to me being some form of LGBTQIA+ (I didn’t know what I was at the time).
Today, I find myself in a relationship with a man and I am being intentional about not just being a closeted ally, but a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. I am unapologetically myself and my intention is to “pride out” with my man to ensure he sees me for who I really am. To me, that is almost as important as my feelings about myself. He has got to be supportive (and he is). With that, I can be at peace with where I am at today because of who I am with. My person is a man and I am bisexual. And that is OK with me.
