Making mom friends in a new city seems so much like the process of getting into a romantic relationship. So much trial and error, misunderstandings, and even heartbreak. But when you find someone who just gets you, it is such a wonderful feeling. I have lived in the Cincinnati area now for almost 10 years. I moved here because this is where my husband is from. I knew nothing about Cincinnati, or Ohio in general, before moving here. I only knew my husband’s family.
For the first four years of our marriage, I only had friends long distance. I spoke daily to my friends from college and from my hometown in Pennsylvania. I just was not fitting in here it seemed. But how could I have even known for sure, as a young wife and brand new mom with a full-time job. Work and family were all I knew how to do in that season of life, and understandably so. We left the area for a couple of years and came back, and my experience here after another four years has been the complete opposite of the first time. I can truly say that I have a solid group of friends. Here are some ways that I have figured out how to make friends in Cincinnati, especially since this is not my hometown:
1. Try Local Facebook Mom Groups
Like I mentioned before, making new friends seems like you’re dating. You might have met some women from work, or a neighbor, or randomly at the store, and you begin to have hopes of a budding friendship. After a couple of playdates or girls nights out, you figure out that this really isn’t your “person” after all, for whatever reason. And, that’s okay! Joining different mom groups helps you narrow down interests, so at least you know that you and most of the women have something in common. I can honestly say that I have met some of the closest women to me on Facebook at some point in the past four years. Did I just get lucky? Maybe. But it worked. Please just always make sure that safety is your number one priority. We all know by now that everyone on the internet isn’t whom they appear to be (cue Tinder Swindler).
2. Create What You’re Looking For
This one may be hard, if you are an introvert like I am. Showing up to events that are already planned is so much easier than planning them. Talking to people to convince them to come, too? It can be overwhelming and honestly scary. Putting yourself out there is never easy. But what I have learned is, if you are feeling a way about something, like wanting more friends to walk alongside you and do things that you love together, most likely there is at least one other person who feels the same way you do. Using the first tip, take a deep breath, and write a post in a local mom group. Tell a little about yourself and exactly what you are looking for. I guarantee you will find at least one other mom to join you for a playdate or an adventure. That will give you the confidence to speak to that mom you see by herself at the park or the library. You may end up creating a wonderful community of women who let other women in.
3. Be Yourself
Honestly, this was the best thing I have done to make friends here the second time. I stopped trying to be whom I thought everyone wanted me to be (thank you, therapist). I just became open and honest with people about how I am, what I like and don’t like. I started saying “no” when I just could not commit to doing something. Did I lose some people in the process? YES. But at the same time, it brought me more friends than I have probably ever had in my whole life (once again, introvert here). Just be honest about what you think about something, even if you think it’s an unpopular opinion. Share your true interests right away when you meet a potential mom friend. Think about it, you want the other mom to be honest with you too, right? You don’t want to think about the other mom thinking she can’t be the real version of herself with you. Just show up authentically and watch what happens.
Cincinnati really is a great city with a lot to do. Cheers to finding your people and making memories here!
