For those of you who are married and in the trenches of fighting for the right kind of fun and laughter together, I see you.
My husband, Brett, and I have been married for 13 years and solo adventure these days with a 6/7/8-year-old are few and far between.
I remember the glorious, all-inclusive Mexico honeymoon where a week of sun saturation ushered the days and lingering moments of togetherness soothed the soul. This month, we were blessed with an incredible opportunity to embark on an all-inclusive adventure. But there are dire circumstances in our family that may prevent us from going.
As I was talking this out with a friend, the thought hit me that I cannot hold a “Mexico or bust” mentality with this quality time and that my marriage is not dependent on this focused time together because how I show up in today means even more than my beachside peaceful stance.
Would I appreciate that place tremendously? ABSOLUTELY. But will we keep pressing on together if it does not happen? ABSOLUTELY.
Marriage is investing in the daily. It is showing up to the grind of the mundane, wrapped in its weakest points and fighting in the trenches for those places to wield the strength to conquer them together. Love is about the moments in between, the ones that almost take your breath away, and the celebration of life lived together.
As parents, time does not COME TO YOU and it is an intentional force of finding the right kinds of rhythm to sustain your mental strength. I am stepping toward Mexico and the thoughts of a FULL WEEK UNINTERRUPTED with a deep place of gratitude, but family hospice surrounds us as well and that presence bedside will trump any trip if need be.
Sitting amidst this limbo of grief and of joy has reminded my spirit of a couple of marriage tips that I would like to share with you:
- Time will always distract you with what is negative first if you allow it. Set aside time to recognize the positive and give it space to speak to you as well.
- A child gets sick. A work project takes longer. An unexpected cost hits you. A diagnosis is discovered.
And as you know, the list carries on…
Since becoming parents, this would be the first long trip we have taken and yet, I look back to how our Sunday meetings have sustained us.
No, we have not had a Mexico investment, but we have invested in weekly checkpoints together, discussing the moving schedule and how our yes/no fits in as a family. We have committed to the hard conversations that call forth blindspots and conflict and have labored in grace working through them with a steadfast pursuit.
We dream of future fun times of travel together but we also build in those moments of laughter in the everyday life we travel here. When you live for what is facing you today, then your hearts get to keep on dreaming together for what your steps are leading you to.
I do not know if Mexico is happening or not, but I do know that fighting for our relationship will keep on in the trenches regardless.
If you keep waiting for that big trip to invest, then distractions or the unexpected could keep you distant for years. INVEST now. GIVE GRACE now. CHOOSE space together now.
And when your “Mexico time” comes, let it be an overflow of celebration that you have already been investing together.