A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I’ve been suffering from pain, numbness and weakness in my hands for quite some time. After a series of events, I’m headed to surgery. I noticed that when I was researching my options, I found nothing from a mother’s perspective. So why not make my own series?
I’m going to be talking about – before the surgery, recovery and after.
I am doing one hand at a time, and I’m comfortable with that decision. I think it will make it easier. So what am I feeling now?
Now that surgery day is scheduled, I’m in planning mode.
I have many things I need to get finished before I go under the knife. I’m very worried; being a mommy is going to be hard! How will I care for my daughter? She’s 5 – she still needs help and guidance to get ready in the morning before school. I’m worried about meals and cooking since my arm will be in a huge bandage and sling for two weeks. One of my friends said she would help me prepare some freezer meals.
One of the weird thoughts I had was how will I do my bathroom business? I’ve wiped my daughter’s booty quite a few times, will I need help with that?
I do not like the feeling of being dependent on someone else. I won’t be able to drive either, so that will be difficult. I’m going to have to rely on the people around me to help me do everyday life while I recover. But I’m the mommy, and it’s so hard for me to let go.
I’m learning to let it go (cue Elsa song…. sorry, had to).
I’m trying to come to peace with it all. In order to start the process, I’m going to have to relax and realize I need to heal and rest. I cannot do it all anymore. I need to rely on my husband and all the people around me. As mothers, I think that’s the hardest thing for us to do. We want to be the one to do it all.
I’m going to lean on my faith in Jesus to get me through this time, that’s for sure. If I’m being honest, typing this blog right now hurts. I need to have this done. I think I also feel a lot of guilt. I can’t help but wonder if I can hold off just a little longer and wait until “a better time.”
Their is never a good time to have surgery. It’s going to be hard no matter when I do it. It’s okay to take care of mommy because when mommy feels better, I’m a better mommy! I’m ready to get there! I want to laugh, play and be active in my daughter’s life without the carpal tunnel.
