I see you over there. Your kids are on their fifth hour of “individual play” as you struggle to get out of bed. It’s approaching noon. You need to put clothes on. You need to be attentive to your children. You need to do house chores, get food in your system, in theirs, but yet you lay there. Your body feeling this unbearable weight that has you glued to your mattress; mind rummaging through every odds and ends thought. You need to focus and gather some strength to get up, but you just can’t.
This happens. It happens over and over again until it’s starting to become your every morning. You don’t know how to escape this and so you begin to struggle to fall asleep.
Momma, it sounds to me like you may be struggling with depression. You’re not alone. Personally, I have been stuck in this sadpit for quite some time. The passion for life is gone and it feels like every decision is too much. It’s not that there is no reason to live, no. We know there is a long list of things waiting for us and little people who depend on us. We are very aware of the expectations of others and what we must do, yet… we lay there numb. Until we finish battling this, we will continue this pattern every morning and night and any other time we randomly bend to this overwhelming disease.
It is a personal battle and only you can pull yourself out of it. Only you can know if you need to talk to someone or if it may be time to seek professional help. I’m not here to tell you personally how to beat your own beast. Depression is a monster that appears differently to each person and you need to become very honest with yourself when trying to slay it. I’m here with some of my tips to conquering this motherhood thing while you fight this battle.
It’s the little things
Make small goals and don’t be afraid when you break them. Just keep trying again. Start with breakfast or a shower. If that’s all you get done for yourself all day, it’s ok. One day the drive to give my son a hair cut managed to get me up and out of bed, cut his hair, bathe the hair off of him, and change his sheets. The little things you push yourself to do will spark that drive that depression strips of you. You’re not being lazy, you’re working on rebuilding your initiative.
Take your time
Deadlines, plans, or time schedules do not exist while you are going through this. Take the time you need for yourself. Think things out, seek help, talk to someone. Even just taking the time to rest will help conserve your energy for your little ones. The world can wait. You can’t be considered dependable when there’s no you mentally left to depend on. Try to take it sunrise by sunrise.
Tell them
Kids grow so quickly. It doesn’t matter at what point in their lives you are at if you are struggling with depression… Hold your child close. Tell them what depression is; be honest with how you feel. People all around you will preach to you about how you have to stay strong for them. I find that it’s quite the opposite. I’m strong because of them. They are aware of when I get like this, and have the empathy to ask if I am sad again. They give me space when I tell them I need it. They hold me when I cry and wipe away my tears. They know I will always be there to do the same for them. My honesty with them encourages them to be aware of the signals of depression in themselves and others around them. This has caused me to have a much-needed appreciation for my little people instead of finding them as a bother or cause through this.
Motherhood and depression are both hard enough on their own. Going through both simultaneously is a struggle you are never alone in. Take a deep breath. Focus on these three simple things. We will make it through this “just surviving” to ” conquering” motherhood in no time.
