Dear Third Baby, Things Will Be Different This Time {My Postpartum Plan}

I was filled with excitement, mingled with terror at first. How would I keep up with another baby when I’m barely making it with your two wild older brothers? How would I have the energy needed and the time to go around and share amongst you and your brothers? Would I have a third debilitating round of postpartum depression? How would I get through it again?

I am not going to pay attention to those that aren’t supportive of my pregnancy. I don’t need anyone to tell me that adding a third baby will be hard or anyone suggesting that I should choose not to have you. I am an intelligent woman and am not oblivious to the fact that it will not be easy. I am well aware of what I’m getting into, and that is why, this time, I am doing everything I can to prepare for you. I have decided that my mental health is of the utmost importance and am very protective of it. I have said goodbye to some toxic people in my life, and that’s okay. I am surrounding myself with encouraging, loving individuals who speak life to me, treat me with respect, and are willing to walk beside me without judgment and criticism.

Most mothers (or at least first-time mothers) write out a birth plan for how they prefer their labor and delivery experience to go, but for moms like me who have experienced postpartum depression, I believe a Postpartum Plan may be even more important. There are so many aspects of childbirth and postpartum that we cannot control, but having a plan in place for after your birth to ease the transition may help me avoid a third round of postpartum depression this time.

When your second brother arrived, I planned on starting my medication immediately after he was born. Unfortunately, I did not have the prescription in hand, and the intense sense of guilt, failure, and crippling anxiety set in while still in the hospital. I did not start taking my medication soon enough to ward off the second debilitating episode of postpartum depression, which, this time, ended up with an in-patient hospital stay and partial hospitalization program. The night I spent in-patient was traumatizing. I do not want to go through that again. I want to do everything in my power to prevent the heart-wrenching pain I felt when he was taken from my arms.

Last time, my mother-in-law was off work so she was able to help during this time so I could get much-needed treatment to get well and take care of your brothers. My parents helped us pay for postpartum doulas. My mother-in-law’s service and my parents’ contributions were gifts for which I can never thank them enough. But this time, with your arrival in mid-November, we won’t have family who can help us the way my mother-in-law did. Last time, we had an abundance of support, but it came as a reaction to the postpartum depression; this time I want to have everything in place before you are born.

We will save money and pay for postpartum doulas, babysitters, or nannies on our own. If people want to give gifts in honor of your arrival, we will ask for money to contribute to this fund or other ways to help us in our transition after your arrival. We don’t need more stuff. We need proactive ways to help us adjust and help strengthen our mental health and confidence in caring for you and your brothers.

I am not alone in processing my fears and emotions regarding your arrival. Because your brothers are older now, I do not fear the sense of brokenness I felt in our family when your older brother arrived. I have been through it before, and I know I can survive the huge change. And your brothers are old enough now to understand that you are coming and to be excited about you coming. And their joy about you is so life-giving to me. Your middle brother has never known a life without a sibling, so I think the change will come easier for him, and he has a little cousin now, so he knows what babies are like. This all gives me hope. I’ve had a second baby before, so I have more hope for when you come.