A few months back, I heard a radio show report on the recently released list presented by Pope Francis, citing his 10 suggestions as to how one should live in order to obtain happiness. (If interested in reading more in depth about that list, you can do so here.) Whether you are religious or not, Catholic or not, this Pope is a remarkable figure in our current times because he embodies simplicity, humility, and plain old common sense. I remember listening to the list being read while driving to work in my car and thinking to myself… Wow, that is perfect and even more than that, possible.
I feel the list as it stands is powerful enough to share it with you here, but it impacted me even more when I looked at it through the lens of a mother. A mother who would love to live better. And if happiness is a by-product of that, well then, that is just the icing on the proverbial cake.
“Live and let live.” Simply put, let go of judgment. This is huge. As mothers we need to individually and collectively let go of the judgement that is rampant in our lives. Judgement of ourselves and of each other. We gain nothing from questioning the decisions another mother makes as a parent and we gain nothing by beating ourselves up for the decisions and actions we wish we could go back and change. Instead, remain open to others and learn from your mistakes. In my case, it is something I have to consciously and continually remind myself to do. But, I am trying. (See that forgiveness I just gave myself there. Baby steps.)
“Be giving of yourself to others.” Not only is helping people rewarding, but it allows for personal growth. It prevents you from becoming so wrapped up in yourself that you can no longer see anyone else. The Pope talks about how this does not have to be huge. If you have money to give, give it. If you have time, give that. How many times do I catch myself telling my children that I will read to them “later” or to wait “one second”. They really don’t need much from me other than my love, care and dedicated time and attention. This reminds me of the old song The Cat’s in the Cradle… your kids are constantly learning from you, so be intentional in what you teach them. Teach them that they are important to you, but also teach them that other people hold value as well.
“Proceed calmly in life.” Your goal each day should be simple. Don’t make unnecessary waves, instead try to flow with the environment and people around you. Let go of the little things and try to have perspective with the big ones. This is a great reminder to me as a mother every time I walk into the basement and see sequins all over the floor once again. Those can be swept up. The thing that lasts is the joy my children got from creating and presenting me with art. I don’t understand why the sequins have to end up on the floor every time, but is it worth impacting their joy for something so minor?
Grace is not part of consciousness; it is the amount of light in our souls, not knowledge or reason.
– Pope Francis
“A healthy sense of leisure.” The Pope talks about how consumerism has brought with it a heightened sense of anxiety. I agree with this and I will also admit that I am just as guilty of it. Pope Francis reminds us to play. Play with our children, by ourselves, with our families. We need to do things we enjoy. Life should not be all about work and money. He encourages breaks and identifying the things that bring you joy. I am constantly reminded of this when I am with my children who get so much pleasure out of a quiet moment with me in the hammock where we snuggle and sing silly songs. We have a lot we can learn from our kids if we take the time to watch and listen. Take breaks in your day. That is an easy enough goal to have, isn’t it?
“Sunday is for families.” If you are Catholic, this makes sense as the designated day of rest. However, even if you are not Catholic, the concept here is valuable. The goal is to have intentional time each week to focus on what should be your highest priority in life. My husband and I struggle with this one due to incompatible work schedules and the need to work on weekends. We are trying to be more purposeful in creating family time though, even if this is not how it would look for a typical family. The point is… make time.
“Find innovative ways to create dignified jobs for young people.” The pope’s argument here is that teaching the value of good hard work, gives a person value and therefore respect for self and others. People who take pride in their contributions to the world are more satisfied with life in general. As a mother, I hope to nurture and foster my children in whatever passion they discover. Work ethic and a sense of self are so important. To this end, I also must live those values and try to find purpose in what I contribute to the world through my work – wherever and however that may look.
“Respect and take care of nature.” Seeing value in resources will help you to want to be a stronger champion of them. As a parent, our top priority when is comes to our children (aside from loving and nurturing them) is education. This includes behaviors, values, and an appreciation for the things we have around us. The tendency to take things for granted is a slippery slope that everyone must be careful not to start down. Instead, emphasize gratitude and admiration of talents, beauty and gifts.
“Stop being negative.” This one is a huge struggle for my naturally “glass half empty personality”. On my more challenging days as a mother, I often find myself fixating on the negative behaviors of my children and the ineffectiveness of my parenting. My family is not perfect, my children are not perfect, I am not perfect. It is hard to remember some days that it is those imperfections that ultimately make my family perfect for me. I am the best mother my children can have and they are the best parts of me. The weight of negativity is indescribable and releasing that weight feels amazing. Hopefully practice will make this particular skill a little easier for me.
“Don’t proselytize, respect other’s beliefs.” This one can be really difficult to remember in the moment. We have all witnessed the battles that take place over certain hot topics in parenting. Pope Francis reminds us that the best way to teach is to live it yourself and allow others to witness the good that comes from it. I can practice patience and quiet voices when disciplining my children and hope that my actions will inspire other parents (or even better, my children).
“Work for peace.” If I can demonstrate and inspire kindness, acceptance, and the ability to be genuine for my children. Well, that would be happiness in and of itself.
A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.
– Zen Shin
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