I heard a song today by a folk singer and it reminded me that motherhood isn’t simple or easy. It’s hard and lonely and society speaks on it a little too much. When our children arrive, we do not yet know how much they will change us. They sneak into our days and, oh, our sleepless nights, too. We reconfigure who we are and what we now can be in this world. Our actual self-hood takes a stumbling step and catches its balance. We no longer are allowed to be who we dreamed of becoming. Simply put, we are mothers now.
As I was rolling these thoughts around in my head one night, after a long, hard day, this little poem tumbled out of me…
Mothers lie in that long shadow of what we once thought we’d be,
Now the bodies that we called our own feel like all they do is feed.
We rock them, mold them, run those miles between dawn and dusk,
We are smitten with their beauty and envelop them in our trust.
Then they hit their milestones and start making the grades,
Time gets a little bit easier and we think that we got it made.
Then they are tweens and teens before we know it,
The sleepless nights begin again and we fight to stay stoic.
We struggle not to be constantly pulled into their fights,
Those boundaries that we know they need cause us many anxious nights.
We face new challenges, high school and their new friends,
Fears of drugs and sex and driving now never seem to end.
They have grown too big for our laps – still they need us that much more,
We fight to not fight and to hold onto them a little more.
Don’t you know my changing child that I too have changed?
The new wrinkles and grey hair, I don’t look the same.
One look at you and you steal my heart, you steal my soul,
The long days, short years, adding up their toll.
I will love you forever and even change you do and must,
I hope that you will love me even when I soon be dust.
I try to give you passage and see you to the shore,
I recognize your spirit as my own came before.
I will hold you delicately as long as I shall live,
In this heart of mine, I will always have room to give.
I sit in awe of you and all that your light shines,
Keep your mind on that future but, please, never leave me behind.
So child of mine, come sit with me and tell me about your day,
I promise not to be too stern or show an ounce of dismay.
Give me a few more moments before you fly away,
Don’t you realize that I was there giving you birth each day?
I have held you so close and now you want to fly,
Your life has played out so many times in my mind’s eye.
I know you will be fantastic, articulate and sweet,
But please don’t ever forget your life started in my heart’s beat.
It is a rough and quickly written thing, my poem. But just as fleeting as our children’s childhoods fly past, I hope these words are read and last…
